Urgency jokes
Person: "Doctor, doctor, I've only got 50 seconds to live!"
Doctor: "Just give me a minute!"
PERSON: I need to go so bad!
TOILET: Long time no pee!!!
If your parachute fails midair, remember, you have the rest of your life to fix it.
WAITTTTTTT
What do we want? Plane noises!
When do we need it? Neeooooooowwwww!
Wanted: Sperm donors. Please come quickly!
I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.
pilot: *over intercom* we're all going to die.
passengers: *start freaking out*
pilot: all of us will one day, no one knows when.
passengers: *sigh with relief*
pilot: but it'll probably be when we hit that mountain.
"You have to be more patient!" "Will it take a long time?"
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
My friend: You ever feel like life is pointless? *drives faster*
Me: Yea-
My friend: If you could die with one person, who would it be? *speeds up more*
Me: H-hey, you should slow down! Slow down, slow down! We're about to-
