Urban life jokes

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?

A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!

I always press the stop button to see you.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

Why don't rappers use the subway?

Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.

Sometimes you just need to take a drive through the city to clear your head.

-JFK

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

I wasn't planning on going on a run, but those cops showed up out of nowhere.

My friend group is pretty diverse. I'm Japanese, one friend is Filipino, one is American, one is Italian, and the last one is German.

Out of everyone in the friend group, the Filipino and the American were the quickest to feel uncomfortable when I asked, "Who wants to go on a march with me?"