Urban life jokes

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

A depressed man was caught on top of the Empire State Building with marijuana. Needless to say, he didn't want to come down.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream?

He got hit by a bus.

What's the difference between a sidewalk, a drug dealer, and a prostitute?

A: A sidewalk's crack doesn't leave an odor!

I always press the stop button to see you.

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

Why don't rappers use the subway?

Because they don't want to miss their next rhyme.

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

So, I was going out the door and I see my dwarf neighbor at the bus stop. I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with "fu.. off." So, I zip up my backpack and keep going to work.

Am I the only one who gives people in the neighborhood names they don't know they have? Like "Blue truck dude", "Loud dog guy", "Nice old lady with the rose bushes", "That slut across the street."

Define abnormal life.

Waking up every day living a sane life!

Apparently, someone in London gets stabbed every 52 seconds.

Poor bastard.