Ur jokes

Uranus is pronounced "ur anus."

Me before: Why do bandanas exist? They're ugly.

Me after seeing your hairline: Oh, I seeee.

Me giving pro tip: Get a bandana LMAO.

My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."

I jump off a cliff and said I hate you, dumb blond, and eagle...Then I said to my wife, "We're done, Blondie," and said to my friend, "You're a dumbhead eagle!"

Bully: How’s your girlfriend?

Kid: I don’t have one. How are your parents?

Bully: *cries*

Kid: *Walks out of the orphanage*

What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?

"Like ur cute g."

Do you play Sea of Thieves? See if these balls fit in your mouth, gotteeeem!

I wasn't looking at you, your big forehead was distracting me.

What is the definition of clapped?

Ur mum when I am in her bed.

Where did your dad go? Because I saw him at the milk shop. Oh wait, there isn't one.

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

I have the funniest joke ever, here it is...

Your face!

When you go to your girlfriend's house but accidentally go into her dad's room and fuck him anyway.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

There are millions of people in the world, yet you are here.

Mom: Don't forget to unload the dishwasher.

Mom: Did you finish your homework?

Mom: We are going to your grandmother's house for Thanksgiving.

Mom: Dad and I talked. We are getting a new car next month.

Son: You are?? Oh my gosh, thank you!

Mom: No, I was just making sure you were getting my texts.

Son: That was cruel!

I call this my great talk with Siri.

Me: Hey Siri, give me a "yo mama" joke.

Siri: My mother? Huh?

Me: Did I stutter?

Siri: Interesting question.

Me: It wasn’t a question.

Siri: I’m not sure I understand?

Me: You should understand.

Siri: Hmm... Is there something else I can help with?

Me: No, you b***.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

Ur family reunion, a homosexual communion.

Your hairline goes so far back even Dora the Explorer couldn’t find it.