Training jokes

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a train? The train will touch me.

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

What do you call a train full of gum?

A chew chew train.

What do you call a freight train with bubble gum?

A chew-chew train!

Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?

Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH

What’s a rapper’s favorite exercise?

Heavy bars.

A train walks into a bar. It says to the barkeeper, "I'll have a gallon of ale."

"A gallon?" the barkeeper asks.

"Yes," replies the train, "I always end up chugging it."

How does a train eat?

"Chew chew!"

Nostalgia hits you like a train.

It's so hard, you can even wake up.

What do you call a train that carries bubblegum?

Chew-chew train! Hee hee!

Why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics?

Because they train at the best school.

Name: Jack, call sign "triple".

School: Nova corps gun academy.

Location: Wyoming mountains.

Yo mama's so fat, it took me two buses and a train to get to her good side.

Why did the rooster go to the train station to get the pizza?

Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.

My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"

Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.

The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.

The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.

The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."

This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."

Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?

He was hit by a train.

Today; worst day ever.

My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.