Tragedy jokes
The Twin Towers ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got was flaming hot wings.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
What is 6 inches long and makes women scream? Stillbirth...
I wish that people would stop mailing jokes about Kobe Bryant. Guys, all they do is crash and burn!
I don't usually like to tell 9/11 jokes for two reasons: they're morally wrong, and they tend to crash and burn.
He was so close but so far
It’s been a terrible day today. My ex got hit by a bus and died.
Not only this, but the council cut my bus driver's permit!
Titanic - "Yo, look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, let's hit her!"
What do Spider-Man and orphans have in common?
There’s no way home.
I visited the 9/11 memorial, that was bomb just like the towers.
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
What’s the worst song to play in front of a vegetable? “James Brown - Get on Up”
What’s the worst song to play in front of a handicapped kid? “Van Halen - Jump”
What's the worst song to play in front of a black man in Minneapolis? “I Can't Breathe - Juice Wrld”
What is an orphan's favorite song?
"Home."
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
I don't like making jokes about 9/11... they tend to crash and burn.
A Scouser at ground zero just after the twin towers fell asks a passer-by, "What time is it, mate?"
An American replies, "That's a mad accent, where are you from?"
The Scouser says, "Liverpool."
The American says, "Oh, what state is that in?"
The Scouser looks around and says, "About the same state as this, mate, but what time is it?"
@ Kobe the person under my joke, your hairline is so bad that Kobe Bryant could've lived if he landed the helicopter on your forehead.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory, and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work.
Paddy agrees to tell Seamus' wife the bad news. He knocks on the door, and Seamus' wife answers. "What's happened, Paddy?" Paddy frowns. "I'm sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, I'm so sorry." She started to cry and asked Paddy: "Did he at least die quickly?" Seamus shook his head, "No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us?
Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Son: Why?
Dad: To get to the other side, but your mother only made it about halfway.
What do you do when you see a sad orphan?
Nothing, let them wait for their parents.
Stop making 9/11 jokes. They don't land so well.