Tragedy jokes
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
Like a shooter says, "I put the fun in funeral!"
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
9/11.
9/11 who?
[pause] You said you’d never forget.
Up into the sky so very far, here comes Dr. Seuss! "ALLAHU AKBAR", at the ripe old age of 97, he committed 9/11.
When I was a kid, I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
A class is being taught when Bill Clinton walks in. He asks the class, "What is a tragedy?"
One kid, named Jim, raises his hand and says, "If my family and I got ran over by a truck, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies, "That would be an accident, not a tragedy."
A couple of seconds later, Audrey raises her hand and says, "If a school shooting would happen and 10 kids died, that would be a tragedy." Bill Clinton replies once again with: "That would be a great loss, not a tragedy." All of the kids are confused now when all of a sudden Matthew says, "If you and Hillary Clinton were on an airplane and it got blown up, that would be a tragedy!"
"Yes!" Says Bill Clinton "How do you know?" Matthew says happily, "It is definitely not an accident, and certainly not a great loss!"
What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A rape victim!
I'd make a 9/11 joke, but they always crash and burn.
Stop with the 9/11 jokes.
They're not gonna fly.
George Floyd is the fresh prince of no air.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To try to find his parents, but it was FREAKING USELESS!
I like sucking the Twin Towers off, but then I forgot dad already finished the job.
Next person that says 67, I am gonna yell "9/11" and sweep their feet.
What do the Titanic and the Sixth Sense have in common?
Icy dead people.
Why didn't Superman save the Twin Towers?
Because he's a quadriplegic.
I intern at an orphanage that burned down this weekend with 30 kids inside.
Thankfully, I don’t have to call and tell their parents.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
I was gonna tell you a Kobe Bryant joke.
But it would just crash and burn.