The USA has school shootings. We Canadians have bus beheadings.
Simone
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
Vince Li doesn't eat comedians. He says they taste funny.
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
When you accidentally make your joke too dirty and get in shit from Explain Bear.
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and a nursery? A. The abortion clinic won't let you take the baby home.
My Son: "Mummy, why is my name Thomas?"
Me: "Because the night you were conceived, I had a train run on me."
You'd think with Jason being a pastor's kid, his parents would have gotten him Invisalign.
And an exorcism.
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
Old McDonald cuts himself. E-m E-m-O!
What do a plastic bag and Jeffery Epstein have in common?
They're both dangerous to children.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
When prostitutes misbehave, do their pimps make them stand out on the corner with a "For Rent" sign on their crotch?
I have no problem with prostitution.
It's like an Air BnB for your dick.
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
Did you hear about the guy who died by lethal injection and writhed on the stretcher for 20 minutes?
I guess it really IS all in the execution.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
When slave owners can't get a girlfriend, do they MASTERbate?