Worst Jokes Ever

My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.

мy naмe ιѕ jeғғ.

I left my dog at home once, and when I came home it was a mess. Let's just say I was in a RUFF situation.

Hmmm.

I couldn’t quite remember how to catch a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!

If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"

Why do Japanese people hate iPhones? Because they're scared that American airdrops will fall on them.

What does the sign say on the hooker house after they were on lockdown?

Answer: "We're on lockdown, get lost pervert."

In response to a buddy saying they joined a golf club:

"Jfc, you’ve gone softer than your old man’s dick after your mom suggests a romantic night in! I swear to God you’re so fucking bougie."

(Pause)

"Oh, I forgot to tell you, while you were gone I got a weird call for you... Some Jeff guy? Said something about a loan..."

"Jeff who?"

"Bezos."

Girl: Hi (flirt)

Boy: Hi? (reluctant)

Girl: I'm a cheerleader captain, I'm also single (flirt).

Boy 2: Excuse me?! He's MY MAN...

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

Q. What do rapists fear more than rabies?

A. Rape babies.

What's a flat-chested emo called?

A cutting board.

Little Johnny meets Big Suzy.

Little Johnny and Big Suzy got together.

Little Johnny still regrets getting together with her to this very day.

The end.

Why did Technoblade die?

Because God wished him dead for all the orphans he made fun of.

What do you call your mom?

My wwwwiiiiiifffffffeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!@#$%

What is the difference between an orphan and a snake?

A snake has a home to go to underground.

Jesus was being hung up on the cross, and me and all the other people at the bottom of the hill were watching. Jesus cries out,

"Peter, Peter come to me!"

So I climb up the hill on my hands and knees, and when I reach the top, the Romans cut off my arms and chuck me back down the hill.

"Peter, Peter come to me!" cries Jesus once more. I stumble up the hill, then the Romans cut my legs off and threw me back down. For the third time, Jesus cries,

"Peter, Peter come to me!". So I wriggle up the hill, and I guess the Romans pitied me and let me through.

"Look Peter, I can see my house from here!"

What is God’s favorite candy?

Jesus Pieces.

Can I get a Hoyah?