Worst Jokes Ever
At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, “That’s the fourth time you’ve gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn’t it embarrass you?”
“Why should it?” answered her spouse. “I keep telling them it’s for you.”
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
The British Society of Psychics' annual convention had to be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances!
What animal howls at the moon and eats cement?
If you guessed wolf, you're right! I threw in the cement to make it hard.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
What do you call a cow who's personality is down to Earth?
Ground beef.
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs?
Ground beef.
What is Meat Loaf's new name now that he has passed?
Ground beef.
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
What do you call someone who has sex with foals, calves, and lambs? A Quadrupedophile.
Mommy, mommy! Are we bank robbers?
Shut up and pass me the note.
"Mommy, mommy! Are we janitors?"
"Shut up and pass me the mop."
Mommy, mommy! Are we outlaws? Your stepmom thinks so.
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
"Mommy, Mommy! Are we going to live forever?"
"Only in your dreams."
Mommy, mommy! Are we liars?
"Shut up and cross your fingers when you say that."
Dad, I love you.
Son, I love you.
You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.