Worst Jokes Ever
My wife is so fat, she gets weighed on the Richter scale.
My wife is so fat. She jumped up in the air and got stuck.
My wife is the only person that has "missing" posters attached to her ass.
My wife is so fat! She wears high heels, she strikes oil.
When she sits around the house, she really sits *around* the house. Every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Nuts!
What's your mom on?
Deez nuts!
What did the orphan say to the barber?
I dunno, the orphanage doesn’t pay for haircuts.
Do you know why people in wheelchairs don’t pay for them?
Because they have to pay for road tax.
My favorite book is "Brown Spots on the Ceiling" by Ho Fung Poo.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama smells so bad that everytime she goes outside, she gets ticketed for pollution. She's so ugly that everytime she looks out a window, she gets arrested for mooning.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Your mama is so stupid, her phone died, so she buried it in the backyard!
Say, "Moommy."
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
Kobe is a legend and is nothing to joke about. Wait till you crash and burn!
You was reaching into you’re backpack and the whole class jumped through the window.
Elmo: Welcome to the new micronation of Tickelandia.
Dude: Why are we close to Disneyland?
Kid: I don't know.
Elmo: Rule 1, you must not tell the forests or Bob Iger about us.
Meanwhile, Officer: Come on, Elmo, you're going to prison.
*Officer arrests Elmo*
Elmo: But who wants tickles?
I hate stairs. They are always up to something.
I love stairs. They are always down to party.