Worst Jokes Ever
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
What kind of candy do astronauts eat in space?
Mars bars.
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Why were there only 3,000 Mexicans at the Battle of the Alamo? Cause there were only 4 trucks.
I loved the Twin Towers, it's a shame my dad didn't.
What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?
Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
One way to not pick up a girl is to say, “Are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you?” I tried it on a girl, and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
What was the scariest thing Helen Keller ever read?
The waffle iron.
90% of women don't like men in pink shirts. Ironically, 90% of men in pink shirts don't like women.
Yo mama is so stupid, she thought keeping you was a good idea!
Due to her death, you can no longer get a letter from the Queen when you turn 100.
Instead, you now receive a text from Prince Andrew when you turn 14.
Did you hear about the young man who brought floral arrangements in the shape of a life jacket on his friend’s funeral who drowned last week?
Everyone was furious, but he explained, “It’s what he would have wanted.”
Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?
Except at a funeral.
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral?”
No? Shame, it was real fun.
What’s the only plus for someone who burns to death?
They get a discount at the crematorium.
What’s the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.