Worst Jokes Ever

What did the blind man say on Christmas?

"I can feel your presents!"

What's a chair's favorite snack?

Chair-ies or Cherries if that's how you wanna spell it .3.

If the red house is on the left, and the blue house on the right, where is the white house?

In Washington D.C.

You wanna hear a joke? It's YOU.

Stephen Hawking isn't actually dead. He is just having an update.

Is Stephen Hawking a physicist now?

No, because he is dead.

Q: Why do I like bone jokes so much?

A: Because they are humerus.

I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

What did the man's dick say to the man?

I just can't "hand"le it!

When your uncle drops a nickel, but the only thing he really drops is his pants.

Butthole.

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.

Why did the man with no arms fall off his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him.

Why is the penis so light?

Because even thots can lift them.

What is Beethoven's favorite fruit?

Bananana!

I am up in the air about becoming a pilot.

If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

Once there was a boat. Its friends said,

"It's time to come back." And the boat said,

"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."