Worst Jokes Ever
What's the most between my uncle and aunt?
My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.
What do you call a vagina with multiple clits?
A tongue workout!
Q: Why did the elephant paint his toenails red?
A: To hide up cherry trees.
Q: What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A: Giraffes eating cherries.
What did Cinderella leave at the ball?
Her virginity.
What do you call a person with cancer?
A ghost with a body.
They didn't have a category for Bald, so I chose the Bald Eagle.
Did you know that bald people have an endless forehead?
Funny jokes are like kids with autism.
They have special needs to make them.
What begins with F and ends with CK?
Fuck, I mean fire truck.
Helen Keller was a pilot in 9/11.
"Roses are red. Violets are red. My parents' bed is red. Oh shit, I set the house on fire!"
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? Depends, how hard can you throw them?
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”
“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.
“Let me start,” says the son.
“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.
“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.
“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.
“Your right!” He replies.
“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”
“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.
“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
What do you call an epileptic midget that works at Little Caesars?
Little Seizures.
Hi, my name is Jeff.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
What did Michael Jackson find on his bedsheets?
Billie's Jeans... Hee hee!
So, I am an emo dude, so I sit in the back of the class, and I talk to no one.
But one day this dude came up to me and tried to talk to me, so I just ignored him. Then he got really pissed off and said, "I'm gonna kill you." I was like, "You're gonna kill me just because I ignored you? Is your ego that big, wow?" He left. Then the next day he brought his goons with him and said, "Now you're dead." I ignored him again, and he said, "You will pay for this."
So the following day after school I was walking down the street back to my house. Then he and his goons tried to attack me, but then they died, so I kept on walking. I had some rope traps set.
This was the best day of my life.
This is why you never mess with emos. We have ropes everywhere.