Worst Jokes Ever

Worst jokes ever? More like I killed an old man in 2012 in Oklahoma City at that nasty Red Lobster, not the one near the freeway, and hid the body in a creek!

Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus.

The bartender asks, "Don't you mean Martini?"

Julius Caesar says, "No, I only want one."

Do you know Warrior Cats?

I heard Hawkfrost is cold.

What did the cow say to your mom?

Hello.

When I go to weddings, old people will tell me I'm next, but when I go to funerals, I tell old people they're next.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

Why'd Susie go down the slide too fast?

Because her wheelchair was good.

Please read all of it. I know it's long, please read all of it.

This dad heard his daughter praying. As she was praying, she came to an end: "Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad didn't think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning, the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died. The dad thought it was just coincidence, so he carried on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy." After he heard "goodbye grandma," his facial expression changed, and he went straight to bed. The next morning, the grandma died out of nowhere. The dad began to worry and continued on with his day. At night, he heard his daughter again: "Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy." The dad got scared, so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there. So that's what he did. When he got home the next day, his wife asked where he had been, and he replied back, "Sorry honey, I had a horrible day today." She replied back saying: "Oh, you think you had a bad day? The mailman just died on the front porch this morning!" If you get it, you get it.

What do you call an epileptic kid?

Little Seizures.

Hey, I got some Domino's pizza, salad, breadsticks, and chicken wings for everyone. Yeah, but make sure Ms. Mandingo gorilla don't eat all up, because if she do, I'm going have to shove it up her fur.

What did the duck eat for lunch?

Soup and quackers.

Why did the orange fall off the tree? Because he went out on a limb.

I did a walk today, but I had a walk home from a walk. Walk today, but it when.

Why did the cow wiggle?

To make milkshake! 😂😂😂😂😂😂

I told my dad, "I just thought of something funny." He said, "Your face?"

What is the best part about eating cake? Your mom.

Why do orphans go to church?

Because it's the only place where they get to call him "father."

Why do orphans go to church?

It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”

What do you get when you mix Harry Houdini, a basketball, and the 17th president?

Magic Johnson.

My friend: What are you doing?

Me: I'm making holy water.

My friend: How?

Me: I'm boiling the hell out of it.