Worst Jokes Ever

I put a magnet in my butthole and made the teachers smell it.

I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! I wanted to save him, but a local stopped me. “That’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!

Why did Sally fall off the swing?

Because she got shot. Dumb bitch!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't find home.

Why are half of the orphans blind? Because they can't find their parents.

What is the Mexican police number?

9 Juan Juan.

Dad: What do you call a crazy creeper?

Mom: Shit, I don't know...

Kid: Crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Dad: That's my boy's!!!

A girl looked in the fridge. She got mad that somebody ate the last ice cream cone. She ran into her sister's room and said, "This is why you're fat!" Then fell down the stairs. Good thing she had that belly roll to save her.

So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

He then told me how easy would that be?

I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

Hey, I broke up with your girl.

-Me: What? Why?

Wait, what?

-Me: You f**ked her, so it's your baby.

I slit my wrists.

Why was the orphan able to avoid getting into trouble at school?

Because they couldn’t call his parents!

What is the favorite drink of a vampire?

bloody mary.

Friend, you so faaaat.

Me: Boy, at least I'm not built like a Nintendo Switch.

Who did yo mama marry?

Joe Mama.

Woman can't drive.

I'mma monch ur nan's feet at 3 am tonight, ngl.

What did the officer tell the lioness after she said she was a dog?

Oooooooooh girl, you lion!

Q: Why can't orphans be gay?

A: Because they don't have anyone they can call "Daddy."

Yo mama so gay, she almost passed away.