Worst Jokes Ever
9/11 was a round of Clash of Clans. They knocked down two towers, not three.
Why did the cheetah lose in chess? Because he played against cheetahs!
What do you call a Panera Bread after vanishing?
Panera Fade.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
......
Know your ABCs! Assholes, bitches, and cocaine!
A UN survey asked the following: Please, in your honest opinion, could you give your thoughts on the food shortages in the rest of the world?
It was a failure because:
South Americans don’t know the word “please.”
Eastern Europeans don’t know the word “honest.”
Middle Easterns don’t know the word “opinion.”
Balkans don’t know the word “give.”
Chinese don’t know the word “thoughts.”
Africans don’t know the word “food.”
Western Europeans don’t know the word “shortage.”
Americans don’t know the words “the rest of the world.”
Then they simply explained “just donate healthy food to the global south to help.” But that still didn’t sit right with everyone, because Israelis do not know the word “donate,” and Pacific Islanders do not know the words “healthy food.”
Why did the rapper become a locksmith?
Because he always had the KEYS!
How do rappers stay cool?
They have MAD ICE!
How does a rapper fix stuff?
With a RAP-AIR!
My cousin really loves baseball.
He always brags about how many home runs he hit in the minors.
Do you think when the Secret Service heard the gunshot they were like, "Donald Duck"?
One day a local pastor was visiting the home of some parishioners who had a teenage son. The parents were worried about what career their son would choose, so the pastor said he had a simple test that could predict what would become of him.
He would put three objects on a table and let the young man choose whichever one he wanted to have: a Bible, a wallet, and a bottle of scotch. If the boy chose the Bible, he would probably become a priest; if he chose the wallet, he'd be a banker; and if he chose the bottle, he'd become a worthless bum.
So the parents called their son into the room, and the pastor told him he could have whichever object he wished. When the boy promptly picked up all three, the pastor cried out, "Heaven forbid! He's going to be a Jesuit!"
A rich man and a poor man are talking about anniversaries. The rich man got his wife a Mercedes and a diamond ring. He says if the wife does not like the ring, she can take the Mercedes and leave.
The poor man said he got his wife slippers and a dildo. He says if his wife does not like the slippers, she can go and fuck herself.
These are not funny. Those that are adopted feel hurt by these!
You shall feel ashamed of yourself!
Take the L! - Losers
What does the PH stand for in "orphan"?
Obama got Osama.
Depression jokes are like food... not every people get it.
Is laughing a problem?
Laughing at what?
I want to jump.
Jump—what?
Jump off the hook.
Hey kids, are you ready for Faptisim?
Face the truth, Jake could have went on the door, but Rose wanted him to die.