Worst Jokes Ever

What kind of car does Pikachu drive?

A Volts-wagon.

The boy was clapping, then he became clapped.

Why can't you run through a campground?

Because it's "past tents!"

What's the difference between Mars and Africa? Mars has water.

What a day yesterday was! I got a promotion, and my sister's killer was hit by a bus. Now I'm in a cast!

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

Family photo! :)

Who were the people that survived 9/11?

The ones who decided it would be a good idea to jump.

What does a pregnant lady and pigs have in common?

They're both fat.

Waiter: Can I have your order?

Me: No, it’s mine!

I bought a horse and named him Mayo.

Sometimes Mayo neighs.

Your mom is so stupid, she got lost in Bed Bath & Beyond and slept on the floor.

Why was sis afraid of seven?

Cuz 7 ate 9.

What starts with "N" and ends with "G"?

Nothing.

Q: I'm a famous athlete and I've got a lot of fans.

A: Is that why I never see you sweat?

Why was the stadium so cold?

Because of all its fans!

What do you call a hippo that has been thrown in a pan?

Hippo-POT-amus!

3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?

Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!

There is a dark alley. Who do you call?

Batman.

Yo mama so hairy, you almost died from a rug burn!

What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?

"I wanna sock in the eye so bad!"