Donald Trump announced he will run for prez today. His hair will on Friday.
What does Kobe and the Twin towers have in common?
The pilots just couldn't stick the landing
Wow that was explosive!
Man I'm on fire 🔥 today
Uranus is up in the sky today
Today I Vance a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
I did have a good night sleep good day today and tomorrow I have for a good night sleep and sleep with my
What did the tower say to the other? "Man, someone's on fire today! "
What is a difference between a tree tree house house for dinner and dinner today after dinner and dinner with you today after school
*You heard a conversation between sans and Papyrus
sans: "sub bro" Paps: "DON'T 'SUB' ME BROTHER! YOU STILL DIDN'T REDINTEGRATE YOUR PUZZELS!" sans: "easy bro, i have done a ton of work today" sans: "a skele-ton" (Drum effect) Paps: "OH MY GOD SANS!"
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives. condoms 99 percent effective birth controll 99 percent effective ect just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time ( only cost 20 years in jail ;)
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I tried kidnapping a kid today and told him I was his dads friend and I would take him home, he just curled up into a ball and started crying, kidnapping must be easy.
damn bro that calculator is looking hot today. it got Abs
Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today! Bob Weir: Where are you going? Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈
Have a great day today
Good day today love 💕 you walk in love 😻 day and a walk home 🏡 night night I did not get snow ⛄️ I love 💕 it is the day that we get a tree 🌲 I have to go get some sleep 💤 was good day at school today but I’m going to be
What did a tree 🌳 I do for a human rights rights day at a tree 🌳 I had no time today after a night night with you today but you walk away
Today is a gift. That’s why we call it the present
My dad told me a story today his mom my grandma said if a bird gets in ur house someone will die . That day a humming bird got in his U.P.S truck and that’s the day he found out that my grandma had cancer 😭😭😭😭😭 6 weeks later she died .😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
An old lady walks into an ice cream store. Clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today ma'am...we have every flavor you can imagine". Old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says, "Sorry ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have". ""Ok" she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream". The clerk says just a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream". The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?". Finally totally exasperated the clerk says, "Wait a minute lady. Can you spell Van as in vanilla?". "Why of course young man" she says, "V-A-N". "Right" the clerk says, "Can you spell Straw as in strawberry?". "Well of course, Straw", she replied. "Ok then" he says, "Now spell Fuck as in chocolate". She says, "There's no Fuck in chocolate". He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!".
