I was in a haunted house today. Nothing scared me until I reached the last room where I saw the scariest Halloween ghost I've ever seen. He took my pens and ghosted. I was told that i saw pristiano penaldo and I was lucky enough to see him because he performs once in a blue moon
Its opposite's day today, I gonna tell a orphan that their parents are here.
So today i heard a friend say she had a stalker, i can confirm i ́ve never seen a stalker following her.
Today is sad my sister got hit by a car and I lost my license as a driver
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do? A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
what do you call a cow that is really sad? Utterly Depressed HEHEHEHE
Someone stole my grass today, I went to the police and they said: "What's wrong?" I said "How could you tell something was wrong?" they replied "you were looking forlorn"
I have some sad news. The Australian inventor of the boomerang grenade died today. RIP 😔
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
RIP Stephan Hawking who was buried today.......he did always love black holes.
today when i looked in the mirror i stopped and simply said: it's ok what's inside matters the most. right?
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
today I told my Sis knock knock and she said who’s there and I said I Eat eat my mop and she said I eat mop poo instead of who
I remember my uncles last words: "I don't think were going shooting today."
I did a walk today but I had a walk home from a walk walk today but it when
One day I came home from school and said to my dad 'I got expelled from school today' he said ' how' I said I threw my book at the teacher' he asked why' I told him we were doing an anti-bullying program and my teacher said words can't hurt me so I threw my dictionary at her. '
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys. -- I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.
i just found out my ex got stabbed today....lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
I named my dog 5 miles so i could say i walk 5 miles each day
but today i ran OVER 5 miles...oops
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. "What happened to your face?" I asked.
"I'm a Paralympian," he replied.
"Boxing?"
"No, ... hurdles."
