An old professor’s class used to begin with a dirty joke.
Following one particularly vulgar joke, the girls in the class decided to walk out the next time he began.
When the professor learned of this planned protest, he came in the next morning and said, “Good morning, class. Did you hear about the scarcity of whores in Newfoundland?”
With that, all the women stood up and headed for the door.
“Wait, ladies,” called the professor, “The boat doesn’t leave until tomorrow!”
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
Yo mama so dumb, she put a watch in a piggybank and said she was saving time.
Why don't Indians play baseball?
Every time they reach a corner, they make a shop.
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
Life is better without my dad annoying me (him smacking me, screaming for something useless, limiting my screen time, and much more).
What is the shortest month of the year?
May, it only has 3 letters!
Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.
Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.
Crying babies are like parties. No matter how many times you try to end it, it keeps going.
How are women like swimming pools?
They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
How do 4 gay guys fit on one stool at the same time?
They flip it over.
You have 10 to live.
“Wait, as in 10 minutes?”
10, 9, 8...
Why don’t old people have sex?
When was the last time you tried pulling apart a grilled cheese that old?
I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.
(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)
LEGO Ninjago - I like it, okay?
Which of the ninja would be best for an undercover mission as the person in disguise?
Kai. He just has to leave his hair down and no one would know it was him. He uses hair gel, as Cole has said a couple times I think, because his hair looks like fire 🔥!
Why do women always have sex with the lights off?
Because they never like to see a man having a good time.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
One time I was at home alone with my dawgy, and I was eating peanut butter. I thought since it's oily, I could use it as a lotion, so I spread it all over my private part. My dawgy came over and started licking the peanut butter off my private part, and my private part got big and hard. Then, white stuff came out of my wee wee, and my dawgy started looking up at me and whining.
And then my daddy came home and saw what I was doing and shouted, "What are you doing?" And I said I was using peanut butter on my private part. Then he said, "Well, let me have a taste." And then he started doing what my dawgy was doing.
