Thought Jokes

My teacher:Oliver will be transitioning Me:tRaNsItIoNiNg!!!! My teacher:He will be transitioning from primary school to secondary school. Me:I thought you meant another transitioning...

If you thought other people’s puns are bad well you should sea mine. https://d2v9y0dukr6mq2.cloudfront.net/video/thumbnail/Vfv9BDZagiltwcyiq/underwater-sea-mine-danger-weapon-deadly-naval-ocean-sea_hvqhxuzi__F0000.png

I went to China and said I have a big cock so they thought I said they look like a cock then I realised I said it in English

The guy who stole my diary just died. My thoughts are with his family

When I found out that 10 billion bowls of soup is consumed each year in AMERICA, I thought to myself, "I thought soup was healthy. Apparently not."

yor forehead is so big, mr clean thought he would hire you

When they where going around giving out brains and U thought they where saying train so u said no thanx I’ll take the next one 🤣🤣

I dated a girl, and I didn’t know she was previously in an abusive relationship.

I thought she just REALLY hated high-fives.

A guy start texting a Cute girl and ask to give her phone no. So he can't call her the girl ok but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number then I am gonna be your gf and will meet you somewhere the transfer her the balance and called her but turn out the girl was actually a guy making him fool he blocked him. Next day he was very angry about himself being fool so thought he gonna do the same he make a fake girl account and start texting with some random guy and then he ask that guy to send him balance. Suddenly his father came in his bedroom and ask " son can you send me some balance i am gonna send you can after sometime" that guy look at his father with suspicious eyes and then he call that random number suddenly his father phone start ringing......

I KNOW IT'S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it's time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

we saved a Swiss flag from a house fire i thought that`s a plus

A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money. The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed. The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money,.....Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.

Hi guys. I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also quote for the day and advice. Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow just look forward today. there are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.

Advice. Sometimes ppl have opions and those opions are probley what u don't like but don't bring negitvity on them just because of what there saying. If you chose you probley say (I don't understand that statement but it does sound good." This is not a drama site it a joking site.

P.S. No hating in these comments.

I thought of telling my teachers that I am transgender so I get to wear my AirPods in class AIRPODSS!!!

There was a cheerio that had a job, he worked hard at it and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the cheerios. So he needed a speech, he kept practicing and practicing and know he was thirsty. it was almost time for his speech. so he went to the drinking fountain but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake but he saw tons of garbage, and what he thought was a cereal killer. so he found this bowl of punch, but he relised... there was no punch-line

A man was raping a woman and thought the year was 1970 and he exclaimed to the judge later that he was her husband. She got sent to the Asylum for Hysteria.

Wait, what? Was he actually her husband. He was a christian so that actually meant he was AFTER the rape.

Wait, what? the bible doesn't say that.

Actually yes it does and marital rape was legal until 1990.

WAIT WHAT? Thats not funny.

I'll tell ya whats funny, that you think the women have nothing to complain about.

Mr. Smith: Neona, tell us what you have for the biggest competition that we can do to keep our competitors out of the winning streak.

Neona: Will thought we used more sales and more advertising.

Mr. Smith: It's already a good idea. Now what about the business plan? We need it as recommendations to keep the business going. Tell me, what do you have in mine?

Neona: It is better to always have a plan. I was thinking that we can get higher prices and always get great deals, the people will go nuts for a great deal!

Mr. Smith: Perfect. Now let's take a 5 minute break.

Mr. Smith: Ok, 5 minutes is up!

Now Neona, I know you are an intern, but what are the best things we can do for the company?

Neona: Hmm...lets see...will we can start with all the things people love! If this is going to work then we have have to......