My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.
The most powerful thing in the world is babies. This is because they cry and get what every they want.
I don't struggle with depression- like, at this point, I have it down. I'm good at depression.
Grandpa: "Sonny, let me tell you something. There's only one damn thing in this whole world worse than Alzheimer's."
Boy: "What's that?"
Grandpa: "What's what?"
I don't think I'm allergic to this.
What do you call a rich Chinese person? Cha-ching!
Ask Siri what rich North Koreans are there.
Siri: "I could not find anything for this question."
Dagger. This is to get your attention, for Dagger Jr. and I. We'd like to speak with you, and possibly Lynx, if we can find a time to all talk.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
I know this place may be cruel, but hang in there!
in can re;ate to this its always going through my mind
Christopher Walkin: "This is a literal universal remote! It actually controls your life! You can pause, you can rewi-"
Me: power button.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
I remember waving at this guy in the street. The a**hole didn't wave back... Come to think of it, he was also swinging around a weird stick.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
Why did the emo kid not cross the road?
He was waiting for a car.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
