This jokes

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

I was cussing out this kid for stealing, and their mom walked in and said, "Hey, language!" I just said, "English, bitch!"

What did God say when he created the first black person?

"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"

I was thinking about jelly this morning. It reminded me to take out the trash.

I was on a website doing homework, and there was this funny a** commercial banner saying: "Eat a bag of Dick's!" It was the funniest sh*t ever!

Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.

It's a good thing I'm married.

If you're looking at this, then look behind you!

This joke is like a vacuum cleaner... it sucks.

Am I doing my work? Because typing this took lots of work.

Hi! It's the kid with another dark joke! On this episode: Orphans!

Hope this is good!

For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:

Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."

Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."

Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."

I know this is supposed to be an emo joke, but does anyone want to play Rocket League?

I'm on PS4, by the way!

My name: Box3d_by_Clapped

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"

You’re looking pretty rough this evening. You look like if sweatpants were a person.

What is this anyway?

Call this for a gay old time! 0275535101

Dad: Where is my son?

Son: Come join me with musical chairs, except we stand on them.

Dad: Ok, so do we put this round our neck?

Son: YES!

Mum: AHHHHHHHHHHHH

I wanna see this pic of me in a bra! Where do I find it?