This jokes

Pilot

  • Pilot: This is my last flight, everyone.

    Passengers: *Clap*

    Pilot: I became a pilot for one reason: To conquer my greatest fear.

    Flight Attendant: And what is that?

    Pilot: Dying alone. *speeds up towards Twin Towers*

    Also the Pilot: Now who is ready to play some Jen---

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  • Blowjob

  • My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

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  • School

  • I hate school. I mean, why can't you pull out a 12 gauge and shoot everyone, including the teachers?! This generation is too soft, man.

    Mom

  • Hey guys, can we stop making these jokes? If my mom sees this, I will never see the sun again.

    Oh . . .

    :(

    Continue.

    Doctor

  • Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

    And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

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  • Patient

  • Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.

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  • Mirror

  • You: Bro, this school picture is soooo ugly!! (Points to yours).

    Me: Bruh, you just typed up mirror!

    Plane

  • For my birthday on September 11th this year, I just want a plane, but delicious, chocolate cake.

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  • Panera

  • Credit to my boy tippecanoe3 for this joke.

    What do you call it when Panera isn’t hungry?

    Panera fed.

    Credit to RogueRobot for this one:

    What does Panera sleep in?

    Panera bed.

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  • Babysitter

  • Yesterday, I was babysitting this woman's child. Everything was going perfectly.

    I got hungry and called the mother. I asked if she wanted the baby back ribs I was cooking, but she said she didn't want any.

    When she arrived she started screaming and ran to her child. I don't see why she was so upset, she said she didn't want any.

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  • Orphan

  • I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on Father's Day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.

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  • Bird

  • Bro, yesterday this bird made the weirdest chirp. It sounded something like this:

    "Error code 6, 4, 4, 2, sound: bird call, failed to play, government drone 0, 7, 7, 5 requires maintenance."

    Anyone know what bird that is?

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