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I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

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    • This is a big joke, so yeah, you can't tell me what to do. This joke is funny, so laugh, okay?

    Now that you're done laughing, let me say a joke... Get it? There was no joke! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahhahhaha lololol so funny, I'm ninja!

    What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

  • 7

    • "Actions speak louder than words."

    This doesn't apply to Stephen Hawking, however...

    A happy little girl was running on the grass. She saw two gay guys kissing in a blank space, and she started crying. The two gay guys heard her crying, and then they asked her: "Why are you crying?" The little girl answered: "This is the first time I see an unnatural nature."

    😂😂😂😂

  • 0

    • An assassin threatens a planet.

    The planet remains calm.

    The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"

    So, I was walking down the path of my life with Bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his.

    One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, "You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?"

    He then looks me straight in the eyes and says, "Raw!"

    I was watching T-Series and I thought to myself, "Man, this sucks!" My sister watches James Charles, and he always says, "That's T-Series." So is it him? SUB TO PEWDIEPIE! UNSUB TO T-SERIES! THEY SUCK!

    😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"

  • 3

    • I submitted 10 puns to see if they'd make this list.

    But no pun in ten did.

    So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"

    Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"

    If you're reading this right now, Then the joke's on you, Because I'm right behind ya, mothafucka!

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'm laughing because you look like a monkey.

    No, seriously,

    I'm right behind ya.

    So, I know that there are a lot of egg yolks on this website, and I guess I got beat to it, but I'm eggcited to say eggsactly what the eggs say.

    I know I'm bad at this, but I hope you will crack up anyway.

    Three men were in a desert. One man was holding a jug, the 2nd was holding a paper bag, and the last was holding a car door. A man came around and asked the 1st why he had a jug. He said it was his water and if he got thirsty, he would take a drink.

    Then he asked the second why do you have a paper bag? The guy said this is my packed lunch, so if I get hungry, I will eat my lunch.

    Then he asked the last man why he has a car door and he said if he got hot he would roll down the window.

    I did so much research that I got bone-tired from doing this, tibia honest. You probably didn't find that humerus. I got a skeleton of these puns. I guess I could learn a femur puns. I was wondering if the creators of this site could talus how they come up with puns or maybe give some advice? I'm only 14 years old.