Think jokes
When I dunk my cookies in milk, I think of you. I hold them down until the bubbles stop.
Why did Amy Winehouse snort Splenda?
She thought it was Diet Coke.
I'd like to have kids one day.
I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.
I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and I asked him, "Why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics, and building supplies in your basement?"
He responded with, "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time I perform, people tell me I need new material!"
When you think about it, Hitler wasn’t a bad person. He killed Hitler.
What do you think of your mom? I have to go now and tyyyytt.
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1-foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says, “Man, how’d you get such a short piano player?” The bartender says in response, “There’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says, “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says, “What just happened?” The bartender replies, “The genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12-inch pianist?”
What do you think about the game "Fortnite?"
Shit.
Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
It's better to let someone think you are an idiot than to open your mouth and prove it.
If you think about it, then adoption is the last choice for getting a child, so those who are adopted were the last choice.
A fact! I think I'm officially a poo-buster, as the plunger does look like the weapon in "Ghostbusters"!
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
Yo mama so fat she got married by 20 men, but they think there's only one side of her! I tried making one of my own.
True fact: Five out of six people think Russian roulette is safe.
(Russian roulette is a game where you put 1 bullet in a pistol that has 6 chambers; each person spins it and tries not to land on the bullet to find out if you got the bullet or not. You point the gun at yourself and pull the trigger.)
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
Some people think incest jokes are funny.
I just think it's all relative.
Some people think jokes about child abuse are funny.
I'm not sure if I think that, but they do seem to hit different.
I am thinking of removing my spine.
It's only holding me back.