Think jokes
Bro, if you think about it, your mom and God have one thing in common... They're both big.
"Ur Grandma" You think you're funny? Well, sorry, but you're not.
Why do people think about handsome boys at night?
Because they're dreamy!
You have thin feet that people think you were a duck.
Q: Ten shepherds out in the sheep field. How do you know which one's gay?
A: He's the one the sheep fuck!
(I'm gay, and I know this joke is demeaning and inappropriate, but I still think it's funny as a 2-inch penis.)
How do you think the unthinkable? With an iceberg.
A fact! I think I'm officially a poo-buster, as the plunger does look like the weapon in "Ghostbusters"!
So I told my sister, "Want [to] hear some jokes?" and she was like, "Hit me with [your] best shot, fire away," and I was like, "Okay, I know [you're] singing an old song, yeah I was trying to see if [you] sing too," and I said, "Who do [you] think I am, Chris Brown?"
Konan was having sex on the couch, thinking how he'd come so far.
People so dumb they think they're "transblind" like WTF, idiots!
Do you think Stephen Hawking could ever plug his Instagram or anything?
Why do you think China should have a baseball team?
They can destroy the entire world with a single bat.
Why is 8 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9. If you think it doesn't make sense, then it is "7 ate 9."
A woman walks out of the shower, winks at her boyfriend, and says, "Honey, I shaved myself down there. Do you know what that means?"
The boyfriend says, "Yeah, it means the drain is clogged again."
An old woman walked into a dentist's office, took off all her clothes, and spread her legs. The dentist said, "I think you have the wrong room."
"You put in my husband's teeth last week," she replied. "Now you have to remove them."
A penguin takes his car to the shop, and the mechanic says it'll take about an hour for him to check it. While he waits, the penguin goes to an ice cream shop and orders a big sundae to pass the time. The penguin isn't the cleanest eater, and he ends up covered in melted ice cream. When he returns to the shop, the mechanic takes one look at him and says, "Looks like you blew a seal."
"No," the penguin insists, "it's just ice cream."
If your Uncle Jack was on his roof, and he wanted you to help him down, would you help your Uncle Jack off?
A family's driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield. Embarrassed, and trying to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, dear. That was just an insect."
"Wow," the boy replies. "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"
I wrote a few jokes:
What does a 15-year-old boy do without two hands when his parents are not at home? Well, obviously do not jerk off.
Yesterday a girl from my job invited me to her home and there I had crazy sex. I could not think that her mother is so hot.
What will happen the morning after the destruction of humanity? Duncan MacLeod makes himself breakfast.
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.
When your cousin dies and everybody thinks you're her.
FUCKING MENT
Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?
Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.
Why do people think that monsters are scary? Cuz they are so stupid.
9/11 happened... right?
The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.