Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes *gasp* how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that.. and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.
*Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1:God,I can only imagine what was going through those kids heads in the last moments of their lives... Person 2:Probably Bullets Person 1:OMG!!Can you even think of what their parents are going through?! Person 2:Probably Coffin Brochures Person 1:.... Person 2:Its called dark humor.Dark humor is like food,not everyone gets it.
Little Johnny is in class one day and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says what's so funny? He said I can see your bra strap. The teacher says don't come back to class for a week, so he get up and walked out. A few minutes later little Billy starts laughing, and she ask what's funny now? Little Billy said I can see both of your bra straps. The teacher says get out of my class room for a month. So little Billy got pissed he walked out and slammed the door, this scared the teacher and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up then she stood back up and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked where do you think your going? He said well teach after what I saw I'm done with school for a lifetime.
So a Irish man is walking his poodle and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints. So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says sorry you can’t go in. The Irish man says why can’t I go in? Well you have a dog sir and that sign over there says no dogs aloud your going to have to leave him outside. Well the Irish man thinks quick and says. I’m blind it’s a seeing eye dog. The owner says that’s ridiculous a seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that. The Irish man says well what kind of dog did they give me??😂
A depressed man buys a gun for suicide but then thinks "maybe i shouldn't be doing this" and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.
I tend to think my ‘depression’ is for attention I guess I have depressed depression
My friend was feeling low today so I went up to her and said "You know I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life" I don't think she likes me now
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
Roses are red, grass is greener. When I think of you, I play with my wiener
Man to woman: Would you sleep with me for one million dollars? Woman: Sure. Man: How about for ten dollars? Woman: What do you think I am? Man: We’ve already established what you are. All we’re doing is negotiating price.
The optimist think the glass is half full The pessimist think the glass is half empty The feminist think the glass is raping them
When the school shooter throws a smoke bomb into the classroom and the autistic kid thinks it's a dance party.
Today, I operated on a little girl, she needed O- negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O- negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “so when will I die”? she thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
SOMEONE:WHEN YOU SUFFER FROM DEPRRRESION AND SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO CHEER UP
ME:MY WHAT A GREAT IDEA WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT;)
People complain we are over- populated. Well then if we committed suicide then why do they be sad. It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad peoples?
I was going to make a rape joke, but I don’t think you would’ve given me consent.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, what’s so sad and she said “What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died”. I replied “probably a bullet”, she gasped and said “do you have any idea how insensitive that is, what do you think is running through their parent’s heads”, I said " probably all the money their losing from this funeral".
