My friend was feeling low today so I went up to her and said "You know I would hang in there if I was you, swaying through life" I don't think she likes me now
your sister is so stupid she only thinks a onion will make people cry.
so i throw a coconut at her
Why was the noble gas not emo? Because they were thinking RIGHT.
You could think that some orphans are gay
But think would the be home-osexual 🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️🤷🏼♀️
A penguin and a polar bear are sitting in a bathtub. The penguin asks the polar bear,"hey, can you pass the soap?" The polar bear obliges. A few moments later, the penguin asks,"hey, can you pass the scrubber?" The polar bear does. Shortly after that, the penguin says,"hey, can you pass the rubber ducky."
The polar bear, beginning to become upset, turns to the penguin and says,"What do you think I am? a radio?!?"
My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared. I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her p-ssy - and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "f-ck her doggy" part either
Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to the how we talk to other guys like when they say can I borrow a pencil you say you can borrow this hard wood dick
One day, Billy's teacher asked him, " I heard your mom had a baby. What did she have?" Billy paused and thought for a moment and said, "I think she had a bicycle."
"Now Billy, you know that your mom didn't have a bicycle. What did she have?"
"Maybe it was a tricycle."
"Billy, don't stand there and lie to me. We're going to the principal's office right now!" >The teacher grabbed Billy, and escorted him to the principal's office and explained what happened. The principal looked sternly at Billy and said, " Stop lying, Billy. You know your mom didn't have a bicycle or a tricycle. What did your mother have?"
Billy looked up, fear in his eyes and said, "Well, maybe she had a go-cart."
That was more than enough. "I'm calling your mother right now!"
Soon, Billy's mother arrived at the principal's office. "It seems that Billy has decided to start telling lies. His teacher asked him what you recently had, and he said a bicycle, then a tricycle, then a go-cart!"
Billy's mother teared up, and through her sobs, replied to the principal and teacher, "No. Sadly, I had a miscarriage."
Billy sat up straight and said, "I ***KNEW*** that damn thing had wheels!"
This the song we all misunderstood: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2S0QhGGO1gQ
"He said one day, you'll leave this world behind. So live a life you will remember. My father told me when I was just a child, these are the nights that never die. My father told me."
Whenever I think about it deeply it makes me wanna cry :(
You think on a airplane when a muslim guy gets on people look at him and think... Aw fuck
SOMEONE:WHEN YOU SUFFER FROM DEPRRRESION AND SOMEONE TELLS YOU TO CHEER UP
ME:MY WHAT A GREAT IDEA WHY DIDNT I THINK OF THAT;)
How does a disabled person play chasy I think you forgot they don't have legs
I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.
*WARNING* THIS WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR HEAD - READ IF YOU DARE.....
What came first? The chicken or the egg?
Which came first? The color orange or the fruit?
Who taught the first ever teacher?
If you expect the unexpected, doesn't that make the unexpected expected?
If you describe something as 'indescribable', then haven't you already described it?
In the word 'scent', is the silent letter the 's' or the 'ce'?
Why do your lips touch when they say the word 'separate', but don't touch when you say the word 'together'?
How many photos do you think you could be in the background of?
The guy who discovered cow milk, what was he doing with that cow?
Do regular dogs see police dogs and think, "Oh no, it's a cop"?
Is it possible to cry underwater?
If two left handers have an argument, who is right?
I warned you!! You just didn't listen.... :O
when ur cousin dies and everybody thinks ur her
FUCKING MENT
when you look exactaly like your dead cousin and every body thinks she faked her death
FUCKING MENT
I raped a disable child I think she's too far to repair now
Your balls are so big, when people see you at the market they think its watermelon
“Daddy, what are those 2 things on mum’s chest?”. Asked Tom “Those are just....balloons”.said dad (Later) “Dad! I think mum’s dying!”said Tom. “Why?” Asked dad. “Because uncles blowing her balloons and she said “oh god im cumming!”
So I was at a funeral the other day and it was a school shooting mass funeral, and the lady beside me asked me, “ what do you think was going through their heads?” And I replied, “probably a bullet.” She was furious and said, “ How dare you you have no idea what those kids were probably going through!” And I replied, “well they were going through anything the bullet was going through them.”
