Things Jokes

My blind friend is so annoying, he kept bumping into things even though I repletedly told him to look where he was going

I went trick or treating this year with friends. Good thing I dressed as a zombie ....... no one could tell that it was their blood

Money and my mom are kinda the same thing they come and leave easlily

What’s one of the worst motivational things to say to a suicidal person?

“Hang in there!”

My Grandmother died last month. The thing that bugs me to this day, I couldn't understand her last words ... through the pillow.

A lion, Johnny Depp, and a hockey player from Nashville all have one thing in common.

They're all Predators!

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What is the first thing the disabled download on ITunes? They see me rolling, they hatin

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

one time the quite kid hacked the speakers in a school next thing you know it pumped up kicks by Foster The People starts playing

Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.

I get so many thing stuck in my head, though, unfortunately none of them were a bullet.

What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?", the priest asks. "Christian kittens", the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box", he says, "It's the cutest thing!" The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens", she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were "Christian kittens!!!" "They were", she says. "Now their eyes are open".

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory? Two test tickles.

The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.

There was a man named, Matt, that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, I am here to tell you my sins. He was all for it and said go ahead.

Matt, "Father, Last night I almost cheated on my wife"

Priest, "how so?"

Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything just rubbed each other, that's all"

Priest, " RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! for your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box"

Matt, "okay i promise not to see her again"

Then Matt walks out the door

Priest, "Hey I saw you! you didn't put any money in the donation box!!"

Matt, "Yes I did, I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in"

You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded, what is the first thing you do? Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.