The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed
I realized that a really bad joke and my life are the exact same thing.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”
Saying I’m sorry and I apologise are basically the same thing... except at a funeral
Q:what's the hardest thing about losing your virginity A:making sure she doesn't wake up
What is the worst thing about breaking up with a japanese girl? You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.
The only thing I do straight is vodka
What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.
God: ok so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look like from being born to preteen. Satan:(slides in) I’ll take over for you pops. God: I dunno....this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system. Satan: don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18! God: Hmm...I’m still not-(Gets a call on his phone) shoot I got to take this. (Answers call) don’t touch anything Lucifer! (Walks away) Satan:.......(just touches lightly and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away) God:(rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?! God:(tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) fuck me........ God:....(sighs) fine it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty
Whats the only good thing about being an orphan? All snacks are family sized!
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
Rape jokes are the funniest thing to ever exist
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?
Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.
you want to know the bad thing? only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette
Why do strippers never care about things?
Because the last time they gave a fuck, it was for 20$ an hour.
A brunette, a red-head, and a blonde are being chased by bandits. They are chased to the edge of a cliff and a genie appears. "I will help you escape," says the genie, "say what you wish to turn into, and you will become that thing." The brunette jumps off the cliff and says "Hawk." She turns into a hawk and flies away. The red-head says "Falcon." She turns into a falcon and flies away. Now the blonde is alone and the bandits are getting closer. She makes her decision and backs up, then runs toward the cliff. And...she trips and says "Crap."
The End
Michael Jackson and Kelly Clarkson both did shady stuff to children. Michael Jackson said that there is nothing wrong with sharing a bed with unrelated small children. Kelly Clarkson said that there is nothing wrong with physically beating a small child.
The thing is, though, only one of them made Billie Jean or Beat It, and the other is just a typical karaoke country singer. So no surprise people gave Wacko Jacko a pass.
