Amateur jokes

What's the difference between an amateur thief and a professional thief?

The amateur thief says, "Give me all your money!" The professional thief says, "Sign here please."

I like my coffee like my women.

Amateur.

If you start at a bait shop, you're an amateur baiter, but once you achieve the highest level, you become a master baiter. Now buy a shrimp boat and become a master baiter on a shrimp boat.

NASA equals nugget and sh*t, amateur.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

Calling Alabama's football team an astonishment would be the biggest understatement of the century, especially since they continuously catch balls from someone who isn't related to them.

What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

I got kicked off Ancestry for asking if anyone wants to fuh.