They jokes
Why can't you play with a cheetah?
Because they are cheat-ahs!
What did the two crewmates say when they were hanging on a rope? Polus up!
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
How do inmates keep in touch?
They have cell phones.
. . .
Dad: "If they jumped off a bridge, would you?"
Tommy: "Yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!"
Why do orphans ride the bus? Because they have no parents to drop them off.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Cause they taste funny.
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Why do people never kick their own balls?
Because they might lose one!
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
What do an ice cream cone and a Ukrainian orphanage have in common?
Children scream when they melt.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because when they drive, they don’t need a license plate, because they don’t have a home.
Why can't orphans have an iPhone?
They can't find the home button.
Heard Stephen Hawking is in a new movie and that the theme tune is absolutely banging. Think the opening line goes something like, “They see me rolling, they hating.”
What's the same thing between milk and a kid with cancer?
They both have an expiry date.
Q: Why can you be rude to an orphan?
A: Because who are they gonna tell their parents?
The pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.
A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.
"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."
"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."
"T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."
The pastor sends the man on his way.
About an hour later to the pastor's surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.
The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.
So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.
"T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."
Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.
The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.
He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"
"W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."
"I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."
They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.