They jokes
My parents told me that I should go hang with my friends and get out of the house.
So I called some of my friends and told them to meet me in the school yard. One said, "What tree?"
I replied, "You’ll know when you get here!"
My parents never said how they wanted us to hangout.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
What do orgasms and pulses have in common?
I don’t care if they have either of them.
How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?
They have a dot in the middle of the head.
Why do lesbians get their belly button pierced?
So they have a place to hang the air freshener.
Memes
The media's relationship with Hillary is just like Bill's relationship with Hillary. The relationship is unwanted and forced, and they'll move on to the next person any chance they get.
What's the difference between milk and a cancer patient?
There's none, they both don't age well.
A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up, and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up, so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing up by yourself.”
I would make a disabled joke.
But they never work.
Why are mountains 🏔 so funny? Because they’re hill areas, do you get it? They are hill areas, like a mountain is a hill area. It sounds like hilarious, so you get it.
Dark humor and women are very similar...
Not everyone appreciates them, but they both give everyone something to make fun of.
Sans: Why couldn't the skeleton go to prom?
Papyrus: Why? AND YOU KNOW I HATE PUNS!
Sans: Because they had NO BODY to go with.
Papyrus: THAT IS ENOUGH!!!
Sans: Sorry, didn't mean to GET UNDER YOUR SKIN.
Papyrus: YOU HAVE MADE ME MAD TO THE BONE SANS......wait
Sans: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.
Did you hear about the lesbians who are suing their contractor?
He used nails when they wanted tongue and groove.
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
Why are pedophiles good at playing guitar?
Because they are good at fingering A minor.
Why does Michael Jackson avoid Pepsi? They gave him a hot one.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Why can't Paris play chess? Because they don't have their towers (also known as rooks).
Why do New Zealanders have sex with sheep on the edge of cliffs? They push back harder.