They jokes

Three ladies were on a flight when suddenly the captain announced, "Please prepare for a crash landing."

The first lady put on all her jewelry. Surprised by this, the other ladies questioned her actions. The first lady replied, "Well, when they come to rescue us they will see that I am rich and will rescue me first." The second lady, not wanting to be left behind, began to take off her top and bra. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, when they come to rescue us, they will see my great tits and will take me first." The third lady who was African, not wanting to be outdone, took off her pants and panties. "Why are you doing that?" the other ladies questioned. "Well, they always search for the black box first."

I donated to the LGBTQ community. Hopefully now they can find a cure.

What does Germany and the rest of the world have in common? They both use gases to poison one thing or another.

Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!

Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!

Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!

Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!

What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!

What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”

How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!

What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

Why do people watch hentai?

Because they are as fake as pornstars are.

You know why orphans like boomerangs?

Because they come back, unlike their parents.

How many feminazis does it take to change a light bulb?

None, because they can't change anything.

What do humans and monkeys have in common? They both hang from trees.

Two businessmen bought the Milwaukee Bucks for $500 million. They are very excited about their transaction, for this is the only legal way to own black people.

If 80% of all suicides in the UK are males, and women want equality, then maybe they should just kill themselves.

Why did the cat meow?

Because it's a cat, and they meow.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”

“No.”

“Neither have they.”

Why don't orphans play baseball?

Because they don't know where home is.

So I was on a Discord call the other day, and one of my friends, an American buddy, joined, and we had a conversation.

Until they said: "When did pounds change to quid?"

And I said: "They're the exact same thing."

Then they said: "But when did it happen?"

So I said: "When did school change to shooting range?"

Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating?

Because they have no body to go with.

In British chess I guess they play without a queen...

But in American chess they play without 2 towers.

What does Jesus have in common with Pinocchio?

They believe their own lies.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and the people at the old folks home?

They both collapsed.