They jokes
Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?
Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did and they ended up liking each other and getting married and living happily... wait, no, that’s not right.
Sammy actually snuck into Rayne’s house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
What does an emo do on Halloween? They hang like a decoration.
Punch an orphan in the face what they gonna do? Tell there parents
Skeleton puns? Nah... they aren't that humerus.
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
Why are drums and autistic people the same?
They both go "uh uh uh uh uh uh!"
Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until they see their parents.
What do an Olympic silver medalist and a Catholic priest have in common?
A: They both come in a little behind.
What do orphans have in common with mute children?
They can't talk to their parents.
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
Because they can't make a home run.
I would like to tell more jokes about 9/11, but they always crash and burn.
They put the woman's rights in the fantasy section in the library.