They jokes
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
So I laughed at their chalk outline.
Whenever you think back to 9/11 and realize there are 12 hours in front of us, why the f*ck didn't they warn us?
Why is there bullying? They can handle it by themselves.
Once the aliens was gonna have a party, they had to planet.
One weekend some distant family members that I hadn't met before came over. My cousins (who I also hadn't met before) were fighting, so I decided to separate them and place them in opposite corners of the room (thinking it would help).
My mom took me to an empty room with tears in her eyes and told me they both ended up dying.
Well, SO-RRY, but I didn't know they were conjoined twins.
Do you know why I hate pedophiles?
They are fucking immature kids!
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Why don't they put petals on wheelchairs so when our arms get tired, we just use our legs?
My diet:
Make all of my friends cupcakes. The fatter they get, the thinner I look...
I was going to invite your friends to your birthday, but they were all extinct.
Why were the Twin Towers mad?
They ordered Domino's and got "gets".
Why were the Twin Towers sad?
They ordered Dominos and got Jets.
Everything is made in China, except babies... They are made in Vachina.
A kid came from school. His mother said, "What did you do in school?" The boy replied, "I had sex with my teacher." She said, "OH MY GOD, GO TO YOUR ROOM, WAIT UNTIL YOUR DAD COMES!" He waited, then his dad walked in and said, "Your mother told me what you did. I'm proud of you, son. Let's go buy you a bicycle." When they arrived to the store, the dad said, "Try out and see which seat is the comfortable." The boy said, "I can't, my butt is sore." Dad said, "Why is your butt sore?" The Boy said, "Because I had sex with my teacher."
Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Cause they taste funny.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
“Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?”
“No.”
“Neither have they.”
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. They went through 80 stories in 7 seconds. In case you didn't see that one coming, don't feel bad, they didn't either.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They handed her a basketball and told her to “read this book”.