They jokes
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
Why do ghosts love elevators? They lift their spirits!
Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.
Idiot 1: Why are cows good in math?
Idiot 2: I don't know why.
Idiot 1: Because they have built-in cowculators!
Wonder why the Japanese people didn't see the bombs coming?
They didn't open their eyes.
Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.
Why did the orphans like church so much?
So they had someone to call father...
The Titanic was in a pickle when they saw the iceberg.
So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.
They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."
Tibia honest, it takes a lot of spine to memorize all the bones in the skeletal system. I mean, there's a skele-ton of em! You gotta be boned up for the skeletal system exam, buddy chum pal. Now that was a humerus ribtickling skelepun. Besides, if ya don't know all of the bones in the skeletal system, get boned, fucking numbskull. Did those tickle your funny bone? Now I've been working down to the bone typing these puns, kid. Now if you hate all these, I won't be bothered, I got thick skin! But first, lemme take a skelfie in the skelevator playing my trom-bone. Now, I gotta go to Grillby's. They got a discount on spare-ribs. Bone-voyage, my homeslice breadslice dawg.
Person 1: "Where was Hiroshima?"
Person 2: "In Japan."
Person 1: "No wonder! That's why they never saw it coming."
Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?
Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.
Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).
What do you give a armless kid for Christmas?
Nothing because they can't open the gift.
After the shooting, people were asking why they would do it.
They wanted to stop but it turns out they were playing an online game.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
Why can't melons get married?
Because they cantaloupe.
Why do orphans go to church?
So they have someone to call father.
Stephen Hawking had a heart attack the year before his death.
They took him to PC World for repairs.