They jokes
What do Catholic priests and school shooters have in common?
They both like to dump their loads into little kids.
If you tell a girl they're pretty, they won't believe you. If you tell them they're ugly, they'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.
What's a similarity between Harvey Weinstein's pants and American bombs?
They both drop unannounced and leave mass casualties.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
Why can’t kids with cancer have anal sex?
Because they have cancer.
I only kidnapped orphans because they have no parents to report them missing.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't go home.
Why do orphans never play baseball?
'Cause they can never find home.
Why can’t orphans ride bikes?
Because they don’t have parent supervision.
Why didn’t the orphan celebrate their birthday?
Because they didn’t have a mom to birth them.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they will never get home.
Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?
A. Nothing, they both die at ten.
If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan. What are they supposed to do? Tell their parents?
What is 1 + 1?
They didn’t tell me. Their stomach is upset.
The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!
Tyler only has a kid because they don't make condoms the size of Lego Men.
Why do orphans have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have a mother's or father's day.
Next time at Walmart, I'm going to scan my wrist. They are basically barcodes.
Once, a mother worked in an orphanage as a cooker. She had a son and a daughter—twins.
When she was going to her work, she decided to take the twins with her. They were happy, they got ready and played with other children while their mother was cooking for other kids. Then, a poor family entered the orphanage. They said they wanted to adopt twins. As soon as they saw the children playing, they noticed the woman's kids. They said they wanted to adopt them. The manager said they weren't orphans, but before he said it, a teacher accidentally gave them to the poor family under the names of Layla and Logan. The kids were Kyle and Kayla. They went away with their new children, but the kids cried, they said they weren't orphans and that their mother was in the orphanage, cooking. The poor family didn't believe, they thought it was the children's reaction of getting adopted. The woman went outside of the kitchen, she didn't see her children. She asked the teacher... And when she found out, she screamed and ran outside. She was running at the poor family, when they thought she was a psychopath and wanted to kill them.
When Kyle and Kayla looked back, they saw their mother. They swung their hands so the poor family could let them away. They ran to their mother and hugged her. The poor family got shocked and called the cops. But the mother, she showed the documents and her parent rights. This all explains the worst joke, "Yo Momma Lost Ya."