They jokes
They say there's a person capable of murder in every friend group.
I suspected that it was Dave, so I killed him before he could cause any harm.
Q: What do Olympians make bad DJs?
A: They keep breaking records!
Why do pirates pirate? Because they "Arrrrrrrrrgggghhh!" Hahahahahahahahaha!
How do Chinese people name their kids?
They throw them down the stairs and see what noise they make! WA WA WAAAAAAAAAAAA!
One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.
Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."
Why can't orphans play soccer? Because they can't practice with their dad.
Why are there no guns in China? They might do some "ting wong!"
Why are orphans gay? Because they can’t come out to anyone.
Never take a person canoeing or kayaking if they had a cerebrovascular accident.
They’ll hear the one word they hate the most: “STROKE, STROKE, STROKE!”
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
They have no mother's or father's day.
Why can't the orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to...
One of my students asks, "Can I have a bookmark?"
A year of school and they still don't know my name is Danny.
Why can’t an orphan be gay?
Because they have no one to call “daddy.”
Why can’t orphans play poker? Because they don’t know what a full house is.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
You know how sometimes you want to listen to music?
But everything you listen to is just supremely unsatisfying, even if it's songs you usually love; they are just so unappealing, and you have no idea what you actually want to listen to.
A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"
Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"
The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."
Why does nobody know that an Octane is a Fennec in disguise?
They have the same hitbox.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some mairawanah.
Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said, "I know you wanna," but dumb-ass Jill forgot her pills, and now they have 12 kids.
Why can't orphans have a girlfriend?
They have no one to call "daddy."