They jokes
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.
I really used to be into emo chicks. Now they just don't make the cut.
Why do Black people not like country music?
Because every time they hear "hoedown," they think their sister got shot.
Why were the UK and the USA bad at chess?
Because they lost their queen and two towers.
Two Italian men get on a bus.
They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:
"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time."
"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"
"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
What’s the difference between a cancer patient and a British news reporter in the South?
They usually don’t live to tell the tale.
Stephen Hawking is better than NASA. They study black holes that are 8 billion years old, while he was down here on Earth staring at 14-year-old black holes. 😈😈😈
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
What do Boy Scouts and IG models have in common?
They both be fucking sugar daddies.
What does the long distance call and a Black person have in common?
They both don’t work.
My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex. Guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted to watch.
Why do Republican men hate transgender people?
Because they lost a dick-measuring contest to a ladyboy in Thailand!
The reason why Trailer Park Boys is set in Nova Scotia and not Alabama is because if it was set in Alabama, then they would have to record every instance of incest. And the show's writers would need to know how to cram all of it in one season.
Just because someone is white doesn't mean they are bad.
Sure, white Americans all treat Trump like a deity and are proud of their heritage of enslaving blacks.
But Canadians and Australians don't throw a hissy fit every time they see someone not white, and they don't think Europe is a country.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
They already lost two towers.
I saw two guys wearing matching clothing, and I asked if they were gay. They quickly arrested me.
Na, don't be mean to fat people. Oh wait, never mind, they can handle the weight.
Politicians and diapers have one thing in common.
They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.
Every depressed person just has to say, "I WANT TO JUMP OFF THAT TALL BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" and then points to the building and runs up to it like an immature child, and then they get disappointed when they aren't allowed into the building.