Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
How do rappers stay cool in the summer?
They drop ICE COLD rhymes.
How do rappers stay organized?
They keep their rap sheets in order.
Israel is so fat, when he goes to KFC and they ask what size bucket he wants, he says, "The one on the roof!"😂
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants?
In case they get a hole in one!
Q. What do ghosts do when they get hurt?
A. They call an AmBOOlance.
The people in Florida yelling "White Power!" is amusing, because when they get permanent sunburn from the Florida sun, they are not white anymore.
I seriously don't get why people in Alabama are angered that Mexican immigrants are taking their jobs. I mean, it's not like they are preventing your son from giving you a big, fat blow job.
Why are Alabamians so resentful of immigrants?
They don't want their sons and daughters to have sex with anyone other than their siblings or relatives.
Today, I operated on a little girl. She needed O-negative blood. We didn’t have any, but her twin sister has O-negative blood. I explained to her that it was a matter of life and death. She sat quietly for a moment, and then said goodbye to her parents. I didn’t think anything of it until after we took her blood and she asked, “So when will I die?” She thought she was going to give her life for her sister. Thankfully they both died.
What's Michael Jackson got in common with Santa?
They both empty their sacks around children.
Why are Germans good at smoking?
They had experience with smoking.
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Dude, what if 9/11 happened because they wanted slavery back?
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
