They jokes
What does a bridge and a fat chick have in common They both get laid by Mexicans
Alcoholics don't run in my family, they drive!
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
Why do disabled people not like comedians?
Because they do stand up.
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
They can't see their parents.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
Dude, what if 9/11 happened because they wanted slavery back?
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
In Israel, they don't have Walmarts; they only have Targets.
Why can't England play chess?
Because they have no queen, and they will soon lose their king.
Why are women’s feet so small?
So they can stand closer to the sink.
Why are lesbians bad at math?
Because they can't multiply.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
What's the difference between Jedi and a rapist?
Nothing, they both use the Force to get what they want.
What do Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
Why do lesbians shop at Sports Authority? Because they don’t like dicks.
The couple next door made a porn film.
They don’t know it yet.
What's the difference between child abuse and abandonment?
The abused ones are forced to listen while being abused, while abandoned kids cry because they don't have parents anymore.
Did you know that a majority of the U.S. is afraid of the dark?
Especially if they are right behind you at the ATM.
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.