What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What did the hermit crabs do on Mother's Day?
They shellabrated their mommy.
Why do some couples go to the gym together?
Because they want their relationship to work out.
Why do Chinese people like playing Among Us?
It’s the only place they can vote!
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
Bro, is your hairline and your forehead good friends because they go way back?
Why are there no fat people in Japan?
Last time they had a "Fat Man," 80,000 people died.
Why do you think China should have a baseball team?
They can destroy the entire world with a single bat.
You know you’re not liked when you get handed the camera every time they take a group photo.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
They don’t want to be mistaken for a feminist.
Why can't you make jokes about catholic priests?
Because they blow up in your face.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Neither have they.
Say what you will about pedophiles. At least they drive slowly through school zones.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
What do a gay man and an ambulance have in common?
They both take it in the back and go “whoot whoot.”
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
Why can't Americans play chess? They have no towers.
Why can't orphans get 5 stars in GTA? They aren't wanted!
You know the stupid trend where people say it’s ok to be overly obese? Healthy even? That you should take pride in it? Which idiots started that movement?
Well. We know one thing for sure. They were obviously members of a wider community.
