Thereness jokes
Why are there adoption centers? Because it's a market for pedophiles.
Q: How do you know there’s a party at Neverland Ranch? A: All the Big Wheels are parked out front.
Q: When do you know it’s over? A: Only one is left.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Jimmy: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Joe: Why?
Jimmy: To get to the idiot’s house.
Jimmy: Knock knock.
Joe: Who’s there?
Jimmy: It’s the chicken.
Knock, knock!
Who's there?
Heaven.
Heaven who?
Heaven fun over there?
True love 😂
How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using the computer?
There is sperm on the computer screen.
Two men were on a hike through a forest when one of the hikers got bit on his ass by a snake.
The other hiker ran to the village 2 miles away and explained to a doctor there what had happened. The doctor told him to cut a cross with a knife where he had been bitten and suck out the venom, so he ran back to the first hiker who asked him, "Have you got the cure?"
Hiker number two just said, "Nah mate, you're dead."
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?
There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.
There were two twin brothers, Lucas and Marcus. Marcus got a girlfriend while Lucas stayed single.
A few weeks later, Lucas was caught kissing Marcus's girlfriend, and Marcus comes over and says: "Babe, I know we're twins, but I'm Marcus, and that's Lucas you were kissing." And his girlfriend looks at him and says: "I know."
A little girl walks into the bathroom and sees her mom naked taking a shower and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get breasts?" Mom says, "Oh, when you're 12 or 13." The little girl looks down and see’s her pubes and asks, "Mommy, mommy, when am I gonna get hair down there?" Mom says, "Oh, about the same time you get breasts."
Then the little girl walks in and sees her dad sitting on the bed with a hard on and asks, "Daddy, daddy, when am I gonna get one of those?" Dad says, "Soon as your mom leaves for work."
Me: Knock knock.
Person: Who's there?
Me: No-one.
Person: No-one who?
Me:...........
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
"NORTH KOREA HAS ITS OWN NORTH KORONAVIRUS. IT STARTED THERE."
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.
If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?
None of them. Immigration service is.
Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Not your parents.
Why did the orphan kill himself when he found out who his dad was? Because he found out his dad was Donald Trump.