Thereness jokes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Clearly not their parents."
A vampire goes to the bakery.
Vampire: "One bun, please."
Baker: "But you're a vampire, don't you need blood?"
Vampire: "Yes, there is an accident outside and I need something to dip."
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls.
What do Afghanistan people love about bombs?
They're black and go off.
Why do Indians hate snow?
Because it's white and all over their land.
Why are the Twin Towers and genders so similar?
Because there used to be two of them, but it's offensive to joke about that now.
"What do you tell a person with depression?
Just hang in there, buddy!"
Do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
Why do orphans not like cereal? Because their dad never came back with milk.
There’s no “I” in team, but there is a “U” in cunt.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
Go punch an orphan, what are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Alabama.
Every time there's a family reunion, a baby is born 9 months later.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.
A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."
When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."
There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!
Johnny Depp, Michael Jackson, and Marilyn Manson all walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Why don't you take a seat, right over there?" Turns out the bartender was Chris Hansen himself.