Thereness jokes

You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!

There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?

Because there are too many cheetahs.

There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.

When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”

I can’t remember if I already said this or not. I might have already said this. Also, this is a true story.

So, I’m walking into a store in Amish country, and there’s this guy with a bear trap. Then my mom’s friend says, "This guy’s gonna catch some bears." Then the Amish guy stops, looks around, and whispers, “It’s for democrats.”

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Wait, they don't have any.

Why did the cops come over?

Because parents had kids in their basement.

Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.

What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

What do you do when you're bored?

I beat up orphans.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?