Thereness jokes
Why can’t orphans go to a family restaurant?
Because there’s no family.
Why do midgets giggle when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
Why can't America play chess?
There are missing two towers.
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
Kid: Mom, what’s dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, Mom, I’m blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Kid: Mom, what's dark humor?
Mom: Do you see that man without arms over there? Tell him to clap.
Kid: But, mom, I'm blind!
Mom: Exactly.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
Lucky they're only balls, not real balls!
How do people get skinny?
Their parents don't feed them. (JOKE)
These days, dating life is hard. You put yourself out there, and it's hard to find someone. The only thing to do is turn to family.
Knock knock. Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana kick your a**!
You know how there were like... two towers. I had so much fun playing Jenga in those planes! I WON!!!!!
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
Why can’t balls move? Because no one is there to voice them around.
There's this smart way to sneak a calculator into school. I've heard of it. You take the calculator, put it in a gun magazine, put the magazine in the gun, and bring the gun to school!
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
Why can't you play memory snap in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes.
When she got the puppy, he was nice, but the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play Barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food, you know.” The parents only answered with “Oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy...he won’t need feeding for years.”