Thereness jokes
"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"
Why don't orphans drink milk?
'Cause their parents have not came back with it yet.
To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.
“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”
“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”
The pastor sees little Johnny sitting on the church steps. Little Johnny is fixated on something. The pastor looks closer and sees that Johnny is stirring up something in an old coffee can. He says, "What you got there little Johnny?"
"This here is turpentine, the most POWERFUL liquid in the world!", says Johnny.
The pastor shakes his head, sits down next to Johnny, and says, "Now you know that's not true, son. Holy water is the most powerful liquid in the world. One drop of holy water on a pregnant woman's stomach and the next morning she'll pass a baby boy."
Little Johnny says, "Well that may be true, but one drop of this on a cat's ass and he'll pass a motorcycle!"
How many emos does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they just sit there and cry in the dark.
Me be straight and bored.
Goes to my local bar which has a glory hole.
Out up spending the rest of the night there.
About to leave when, motherfucker, I realize I've been sucking a guy's cock this whole time.
):
I don't understand why the Twin Towers were super upset.
Their pizza just got there a lot faster by plane.
Why do orphans want to die?
Because they might see their parents in Heaven.
How do pedophiles get kids to suck their d**k?
They spray paint it like candy 🍬.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”
The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Why does an orphan start with an "O"?
Because they only see their parents in their dream.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
I eat mop.
A-I eat mop who?
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
There are only women's rights causes because they leave you.
There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.
You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.