Thereness jokes
Little Johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch, he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it that said, "Take 1, God is watching." He continued walking and saw a bowl of cookies that said, "Take 1, please." So little Johnny made his own note and he wrote, "Take as many cookies as you want, God is watching the apples."
For all those Simpsons fans out there, this one I'm sure you know:
Abe: "It's rotten being old. No one listens to you."
Lisa: "It's awful being a kid. No one listens to you."
Homer: "I'm a white male, aged 18-49. Everyone listens to me--no matter how dumb my suggestions are."
Why are there a lot of whites in hockey?
It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop.
Why can’t an orphan get arrested?
Because they're not wanted.
What do emo kids and Hitler have in common?
There's gonna be more brains on the wall when they lose something.
There are only women's rights causes because they leave you.
There's going to be a party at the orphanage tonight. I'm bringing a gun.
You walk into a room, and there’s a lot of people waiting in line to punch you... Yeah, that’s the punchline.
What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?
Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.
Hey guys. I just wanted to say, while I think some rape jokes can be funny, not one of these are. In fact, I find them pretty horrifying.
I was raped when I was fourteen (about six years ago), and I have made one rape joke in my entire life when, last year, I said "I don't fuck with rapists, I just get fucked by them." I thought it was funny. No one else did, and they were probably right in that.
My point is this: rape jokes CAN be funny when they are used by victims as a way of coping with trauma. They CANNOT be funny when they are made about raping someone else. Even if there is a difference between joking about raping someone and raping someone, it is absolutely disgusting to think such a horrific crime is funny, and I am sure at least some of the posters on this page have already crossed the line into committing rape.
Great material for social scientific research, though, gentlemen. Really well done.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
What do depression and suicide have in common?
Nothing, they're both hanging.
The first thing the emo did at the party is to pin the gun to their head.
What’s the difference between a normal kid and an Emo?
When you feel an Emo's arm, there’s lots of texture! Feels great, too!
If you're bored, punch an orphan.
What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
There was this boy. He had diarrhea, and he kept asking to go to the bathroom, but the teacher said no. Next thing you know, he pooped himself in front of the class.
What does the F in "orphan" stand for?
"Family," but there is no F.
Why is a group of Uchiha not called the Sharingang?
Why?
Because they're all Sharing... GONE :)
What do you tell a suicidal person when they complain about their problems to you?
Just hang in there, man.
A man goes to a doctor and says he's having problems shitting, so the doctor gives him an enema and says he needs to do it a few times at home, but does the first one for him. So the guy bends over the table, lubes him up, and shoves it deep in him, and he yells.
So later, the man goes home and tells his wife he needs her help with the enema. So he bends over, she lubes him up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and she shoves it up there, and he starts screaming and cussing, and the wife asks, "Did I hurt you?" He said, "No, I just realized when the doctor did it, he had both hands on my shoulders."