Thereness jokes

What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”

I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.

No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.

Explain Bear is always there for you.

There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.

The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"

The teacher said, "What about the kids?"

The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."

The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"

Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.

Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.

There are people weirder looking than me.

Like who?

Like people with Down syndrome.

Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.

Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.

Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.

Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?

Getting your fingers stuck in there.

How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?

Stick a chicken wing up there.

Why is there air conditioning in hospitals?

To keep the vegetables cold and fresh.

Knock knock.

Who is there?

WE WILL ASK THE QUESTIONS!

If you're ever in need of a punching bag, just go to your local Alzheimer's unit.

They'll forget you were there in like three minutes.

Apparently there was a woman from Australia who had sex with 500 men in one day.

That's like a real life "Your mom" joke.

What do the Twin Towers and genders have in common?

There used to be two, but now it's a sore subject.

There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.

Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.

After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

There are a lot of upsides to being an orphan.

For one, you never have to worry about your jokes being family friendly.

What's the difference between my dad and milk? There is no difference; they both left.

They say there is power in numbers.

Tell that to the people in the Twin Towers.

"Captain, captain, there's a man lashed to the mainmast."

"That's your lookout."