Thereness jokes
An Abo walks into a pub with a seagull on his shoulder. The barman asks, "Where did you find that?" The seagull replied, "At the tip, mate, there are lots there."
There are a lot of things that explode... like cars, boats, the Twin Towers.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
Why was Saudi Arabia sad during 9/11?
Because there were no more planes.
I asked my North Korean friend how it is to live there.
He said he couldn't complain.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yo mama!
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see.
Who's there?
Interrupting cow.
Interrupting c—
MOO!
What did the mad penis say to the vagina? “Don’t make me come in there!”
I don’t like to play games, actually. There is one game: It’s Barbie. Of course, I’ll be Ken, and you’ll be the box cum in.
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.
There were four men eating dinner on the Titanic when it hit the iceberg.
The waiter said, "We have to get to the lifeboats!"
The teacher said, "What about the kids?"
The lawyer said, "Fuck the kids."
The priest said, "Do you think we'll have time?"
Roses are red, Epstein's face turned blue.
Trump's on that list, And there's nothing he can do.
There are people weirder looking than me.
Like who?
Like people with Down syndrome.
Inside a room full of squares, buckets, and tints, there are two inspectors. One is called Mr. Right, the other one is called Mr. Wrong. Because of their names, the first one is trusted more than the second one.
Mr. Wrong eventually got tired of that and worked on a plan for how more people could trust him. He took a jigsaw and he started to cut into his brain and sawed away half of his brain. It was still working.
Then he took a loaf of toast, cut it into half and glued it on his head, and then he made a strawberry cream and sprayed it on the toast. Because people couldn't recognize him as "Mr. Wrong," he was able to solve more cases.
Do you know the number one cause of death for lesbians?
Getting your fingers stuck in there.