Thereness jokes
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
There were three babies in a mom's stomach. One baby asks, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" The other baby answers, "A doctor. I want to help people. What about you?"
"I want to be an engineer. I want to make things. What about you?" he asks to the third baby.
"I want to be a hunter."
"Why?" the other babies ask.
"I want to kill the snake that spits on my face."
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Doctor.
Doctor who?
Once there were these two fruitcakes driving in their Pink Porsche. "Oh, this handles so well!" they exclaimed.
Then this Mack truck came around the corner at their stop sign and rear-ended them. The passenger said to his partner, "You tell that man he's gonna pay every single cent 'cause we're going to sue him!"
So the flamer gets out and swishes to tell the trucker to do that very thing. The trucker was a tough who said, "What do you want, wimp?" The gay said, "You just hit our new Pink Porsche, and we're gonna make you pay every single cent 'cause we're gonna sue you!"
The trucker said, "Oh yeah? Blow me!" The gay driver went "Ohhh!" and ran back. The gay partner asked him, "What did he say?" His fruitcake driver said, "Ohhh! It's wonderful, he wants to settle out of court!"
One time there was a squirrel who died.
It was funny because the squirrel got dead.
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There's ate of them.
There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.
Before the chicken or the egg, there was only Chuck Norris.
Any joke can be funny with the right delivery. Except abortion jokes, because there is no delivery.
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
There is one good part about paedophiles... they go slow in school zones.
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
Did you hear about the restaurant they're putting on the moon?
Good food, but no atmosphere.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bear. Bear who? Bear bum!
Hello there, have a good day!
Why are there no good Indian actors? Because all the good ones are trying to get your bank details over the phone.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
There were three men, and two of them died.
The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"