Them jokes

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.

What do orphans and TVs have in common?

At least one of them has a home.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

At least one of them gets picked.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

I asked an emo kid if they were jealous because their phone died before them.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?

Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.

I was telling the emo kid emo jokes, and I couldn’t read them because I was laughing too hard. I almost cut the emo kid. He wasn’t laughing at the jokes.

What makes a child an orphan?

Their parents left them for good. :D

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked up.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.