Them Jokes

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked up.

Are you sure your father isn't a thief?

Because he stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes.

Some kids at school made fun of me for playing Halo, so I gave them a halo.

I have a short TRUE story of how I found out my brother was gay and did "it" with his best friend.

When my brother was 12-13 years old, he fucked his best friend and I saw it. I was like 4-5 years old, UNDERSTANDING what "it" stood for at the time. All I heard was "ahh" and "mmm". The only thing that traumatized me the most was when my brother moaned "daddy". I was so traumatized that I told my mother about it, she rolled her eyes and said, "He's probably playing a game with Evan". BULLSHIT... NO YOU DUMBASS. He was playing the game "SEX", more like "GAY SEX".

I even told my father and he said, "I don't understand what you're trying to say". I told him DIRECTLY that I heard my brother say "daddy" to his damn best friend!

I actually got so curious, I opened the door and saw them doing "69". I was blank white after I saw it. I will NEVER forget that he did "it" with his own best friend.. NEVER forget about it.

(just a btw, I still have the image stuck in my head and never forget how YOUNG he was..)

(He ain't no virgin anymore I guess lmfao.)

(MORE STORIES COMING SOON =D)

first of my memes

A screenshot of text that asks, "Why is the DM smiling?" and answers, "If you've been antagonizing the DM for a while, the smile on their face is as much a sign of catharsis for them as it is an imminent ass-kicking for you." The date, Mar 15, 2020, is at the bottom.

Little Johnny was overheard by his mother reciting his homework, “Two plus two, the son of a b*tch is four; four plus four, the son of a b*tch is eight; eight plus eight, the son of a b*tch...;” “Johnny!” shouted his mother. “Stop swearing!” “But mom!” Little Johnny protested, “That’s what the teacher taught us! And she said we should recite it till we learned it!”

The next day his mother went to the teacher to complain. “No, no,” said the teacher, terrified. “That’s not what I taught them. They’re supposed to say: ‘Two plus two, the sum of which is four.’”

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.

What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come.

My elderly relatives like to tease me at weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"..

They soon stopped though, when I started to do the same to them at funerals.

Why don't vegetarians moan during sex?

Because they don't want to admit that meat makes them happy.

To master puns, you got to relish them first. That's how I must(ar)d it. Who knows, maybe you will ketchup to my level.

Men should provide their disobedient daughters with their own "milk" instead of letting them use the mother. That will teach those bitches some respect for men. It may even help them get laid later on in life.

One day, Little Johnny went to his grandma's house, and she asks, "Do you like nuts?"

Little Johnny says, "Yes, I like nuts."

His grandma says, "Okay then, grab them out of the cabinet." So Little Johnny went and grabbed them, and he was sad after he grabbed them. His grandma then says, "What's wrong?"

Little Johnny says, "I thought they were real nuts," and his grandma fainted.

What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.

Little Johnny was watching TV when he heard the TV say "bitch" and "bastard." He went over to his dad and said, "What is a bitch and bastard?" His dad looked at him surprised and said, "A bitch is a female, a bastard is a mailman." Johnny went back to the TV and heard them say "ass" and "shit," so he goes back to his dad and asks, "What shit and ass mean?" His dad says, "A shit is shaving cream like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat, why don't you bug your mom?" Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "fuck," so Johnny goes over to his mom and says to her, "What does fuck mean, mom?" She looks over at him and says, "Fuck means carving, like what I'm doing to this turkey!" A few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door. He walks over and answers it. He then says, "Welcome bitch and bastard, may I take your ass?" The people, looking horrified, then ask where his parents are. Johnny responds with, "My dad is putting shit on his face and my mom is fucking the turkey!"