Them jokes
Why can’t an orphan go to a youth church? Because they need a parent to pick them up.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
Why is black mystery not an Airheads flavor? Because we already know what happened to them. *shot fires*
My wife and I have decided that we do not want children.
If anybody does, please send me your contact details and we can drop them off tomorrow.
At weddings, old people poke me and say, "You're next!" So I do the same to them at funerals.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? A letter from his family; he hadn't seen them in years.
There were three guys stranded on a desert island. Each was granted one wish by a genie that found them. The first guy said, "I wish to go back home." The second guy says the same, and the third guy said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were back here."
What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
How does a prostitute that has blond hair and polish and a gay white male kill erectile dysfunction for his clients?
He performs fellatio on them.
Why can’t orphans win trophies?
Because they can’t take them home.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a thrill with pills. Jack came down, fuck a clown, and the cum made them frown.
Why do basketball players love cookies so much?
Because they can dunk them!
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Where's a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Chili's, because they got them baby back ribs.
One day a truck driver had a truck full of squirrels. A police officer said, "Sir, I'm going to need you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver did so and left. The next day the driver was back, but this time the squirrels were wearing sunglasses. The officer said, "I thought I told you to take these squirrels to the zoo." The driver said, "I did. Today I'm taking them to the beach."
Dark jokes are like gay people, Not everyone likes them.
When someone calls me ugly, I get sad and hug them.
I know life can be difficult for those with weak vision.
Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.
So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.
What do women and pools have in common?
They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you’re inside of them.