Them jokes

What are the similarities between a pedophile and a 9/11 plane?

They both came from behind and crushed them.

Who is more loyal: a dog or a wife?

Well, lock them both in your trunk for two hours and drive around and see which one is happy to see you.

How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.

How do you get them back out? Straw.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

If you put a million monkeys at a million keyboards, one of them will eventually write a Java program.

The rest of them will write Perl programs.

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still in the air.

I saw some twins, so I threw a paper plane at them.

My friend told me to make more friends, so I joined a suicide cult.

I’ll be hanging with them for a while.

Why can't orphans celebrate Christmas?

Father Christmas left them.

Why can't an orphan play basketball?

Because no one will be cheering them on.

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

One of them gets picked.

The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die: to be shot, to be hung, or to be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

So the German said, "Shoot me right in the head." Boom, he was dead instantly.

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." Snap, he was dead.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff." They gave him the shot, and the Irishman fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then the Irishman said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally, the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

The Irishman replied, "You guys are so stupid... I'm wearing a condom!"

I was working at a check-in station for a flight to Riyadh when suddenly I was approached by Benzema, Kante, and Neymar!

At first I was very surprised and curious, so I asked them why they decided to play in the Saudi Pro League and not MLS where GOAT Messi plays. They all smiled and happily replied: "Don't you know, the legendary bench warmer PRISTIANO PENALDO plays there!"

Now I fully understood what they meant! They know that Pristiano is already finished, so winning trophies will be easy for them. I smiled and happily let them through.

Tell world's best yo mama joke to an orphan, then watch them cry.

Why can't orphans sleep? Nobody can tuck them in.

I asked an emo kid if they were jealous because their phone died before them.

I told a joke about miscarriage to a group of women, but none of them laughed.

I guess it was a bad delivery.

You're so ugly that blind people cry when you walk past them.

What do orphans and TVs have in common?

At least one of them has a home.

Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?