Them jokes

Why can't orphans play dodgeball? Because no one misses them.

I know 5 fat people, and your mama is 4 of them.

Why do orphans hate the color black? Because it reminds them of their dark history.

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on outings.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

Feminists think men hate them. MEN HATE FEMINIST KARENS. We already have equal rights. It wasn't always like that, but that was in the past. So, fuck feminists.

(Like if you hate feminists.)

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?

His running mate has 34 of them!

How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?

I don't know, I can never see them.

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

A mouse is just like a ball bearing.

Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.