Them jokes
How to make an orphan's hands hurt: Make them clap their hands till their parents come back.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
I don’t see why emo kids don’t like to hang around.
I see them hang all day.
Just hire some people to be fake parents and print off an adoption paper. On April Fools', just leave them there at the orphanage! APRIL FOOLS!
Why does an orphanage stay overnight at a school? Cause their parents won't pick them up.
My friends were really annoying me at my birthday party, so I decided to pop a balloon to spook them.
Maybe going on a hot air balloon ride wasn't the best idea.
What do women and chess have in common? When you sacrifice the females and replace them, you are more likely to win.
How many women does it take to change a lightbulb? All of them if you keep reloading.
Why do skeletons hate wind? Because it goes right through them!
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?
His running mate has 34 of them!
How many black people does it take to change a lightbulb in the middle of the night?
I don't know, I can never see them.
What do babies and grenades have in common? They both make noise when you throw them.
Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:
A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.
B. That men are actually treated unequally.
SO
we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.
What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.
So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.