Them jokes

What’s the best part about sex with twenty eight year olds?

There are twenty of them.

What do you do when an epileptic has a seizure in a bathtub?

Throw them some laundry.

What is the difference between a Mexican maid and a Jewish maid?

One of them won’t clean the oven.

What's the difference between a feminist and a pencil?

One of them has a POINT:)

Jeff, did you hear they're making a film about Jimmy Savile? It’s a very touchy subject.

Yeah, I did, Gary, but did you hear the reviews on the Bill Cosby film? People said it was so boring it put them to sleep.

What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?

They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.

Why does JD Vance not need a conviction?

His running mate has 34 of them!

Hi, I was a feminist until I realised that:

A. Feminism is just a pile of dumb shit.

B. That men are actually treated unequally.

SO

we should all say sorry to the boys for pissing them off.

What do an X-Box and Michael Jackson have in common? They're both made of plastic and little kids turn them on.

So, Little Johnny comes home from school knowing damn well he messed up his math test. His mother and father get home and he tells them, "Mom, I failed my math test." His mother aggressively says, "Get the belt!" Johnny says, "Why?" His mother says, "I'm gonna spank you for failing!" Johnny says, "So just like daddy?" His father turns red knowing what they did last night.

A mouse is just like a ball bearing.

Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I piss on blind kids and tell them it's raining.

I've got 99 problems and one of them is that I count my problems instead of solving them.

Me: *stabs vampire*

Wife: omg

Me: *beats vampire to death*

Wife: OMG

Me: What?

Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!

Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?

Never break a girl's/boy's/someone's heart. They only have one of them.

Break their bones instead. They have 206 of them.

Why was the staircase so sad?

Because everyone walks on them.

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

What does a baby and a hand grenade have in common?

They both make noise when you throw them.