Them jokes
It’s nice hitting it from the back when my wife has wide hips.
Her butt cheeks look like big huge ball sacks as my thighs smack up against them when I’m thrusting. I like to finish off by grinding my weiner up and down her back like a gay man frotting his schlong on his partner’s ding dong.
Her husband prepares them a romantic dinner. The wife tells her husband about her desire for it. The husband was clueless about such acts. So, the wife tells him to strip naked on the couch and lay underneath her naked in the reverse missionary position.
She starts thrusting with his meat inside of her and starts waiting for him to thrust along with her thrusts. However, the husband didn’t know what to do, so he just laid there. Suddenly the wife had an urge to pee, but held it in because her husband’s joystick was right inside her. She loses control after a while and lets one drip out. The wife apologizes profusely and continues thrusting her husband. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another drip of urine run down the husband’s schlong to his pelvis.
The husband throws the wife from the couch, gets up, and says,
"Honey, if you think I’ll be screwed by you for more of that, you’re out of your mind."
"Clap clap clap that ass, bitch, shake that cameltoe, let them see them pussy lips!"
What does Kim Kardashian and the ocean have in common?
They both have plastic in them.
What’s the best part about sex with 28-year-olds?
There are twenty of them.
So, at school there are these twins. At my school, I folded two paper airplanes to throw at them. Once I realized why it felt so wrong to do it, I had already threw them. I hit the north, then the south one.
Friend #1: "What's your favourite thing about trees?"
Friend #2: "Apples"
Me: "I can hang myself in them."
There are Three Sons: Journey, Korean, and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island, and a priest gave them each one wish.
The first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
No one.
Why are priests called father?
I don’t know why.
Because calling them daddy is too suspicious.
Why don't orphans go home at pickup?
Because they don't have parents to pick them up.
No joke. I just want to say that my thoughts are with the Ukrainian people, and I wish them the best. Best of luck.
What is an orphan’s least favorite movie?
"Spider-Man," because it told them there was no way home.
How do you get an orphan to go to sleep?
Tell them their parents are waiting when they wake up.
A Catholic school is burning down. One of the priests says, "Save the children, save them!" Another priest says, "F*ck the children, we're gonna die!!" The last priest is like, "Hmmm... do we have time?"
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
He tied them in little Nazis.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
Funny jokes are like kids with autism.
They have special needs to make them.