Them jokes
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they all sit in the dark and cry.
To teach kids about democracy, I let them vote on dinner. They picked tacos. Then I made pizza because they don’t live in a swing state.
You’re not completely useless. You can always be used as a bad example.
How did Hitler tie his shoes?
He tied them in little Nazis.
I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.
We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.
Suicidal thoughts aren’t nice, but nor is life. So why not get them both done and over with?
What’s the best part about having sex with 28 year olds?
There are 20 of them.
Funny jokes are like kids with autism.
They have special needs to make them.
What is an orphan's least favorite movie?
Spider-Man, because it told them there was no way home.
What's the difference between a hooker and Jesus?
Their face when you nail them!
My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.
So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.
If someone is mean to an orphan just say, "I will call your mum," and make them cry even more.
I love orphans, so at least they know someone loves them.
My family is like treasure. You need a shovel and a map to find them.
When you get home and see your parents with your grades in their hands.
Twenty minutes later, they're slapping you with the belt.
When your grades get mailed to your house when you expect to get them in school.
When you get home, your mom is there with the belt, going 1k miles per hour.
So you know those people that commit suicide by hanging themselves? I guess they lost Hangman.
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
Family is precious, so you have to keep them away from the sunlight.
Three men were lost in the desert and found a genie who granted each of them a wish.
The 1st man wished he was home with his family. The 2nd man wished he was home with his family, and the 3rd man wished they were all back together again.
My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, “You’ll be next!”
They soon stopped though, once I started doing the same to them at funerals.
When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don’t find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.