Them jokes

What's the difference between a truck full of babies and a truck full of bowling balls?

You can only unload one of them with a pitch fork.

There were three men, and two of them died.

The last man alive said, "That's two less mouths to feed!"

Little Natalie was playing with matches. Her mother caught her, took them, whupped her, and told her never to play with matches again.

A few minutes later, Little Natalie was playing with matches again. The curtains caught fire, and the house burned down.

Another few minutes later, when she and her mother were sitting at their neighbors', her mother told her: "If you think I gave you a whupping, wait till your father gets home!"

Little Natalie just cackled with delight because she knew her father had gotten home earlier and gone upstairs to take a nap.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall? It depends how hard you throw them.

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them. -Hope Marie Lawson

Them: "You're ugly."

Me: "No, as ugly as your extra chromosome."

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

How many babies does it take to make dinner?

Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.

They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends how hard you throw them.

How do you confuse a ginger?

Throw a cross at them.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

What do skeletons hate the most about wind?

Nothing, it goes right through them.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.