Them Jokes

The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

I bought shoes from a drug dealer yesterday. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

How many babies does it take to make dinner?

Three to four; there's not a lot of meat on them.

An Aussie, an Asian, and a Frenchman are in a bar.

The Asian throws his whiskey in the air and shoots it. The Frenchman asks, "Why did you do that?" The Asian says, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Frenchman throws his champagne in the air and shoots it. Then the Aussie asks, "Why did you do that?" The Frenchman replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

The Aussie then throws his beer up in the air and shoots the Asian. Then the Frenchman asked, "Why did you do that?" The Aussie then replies, "There are plenty of them where we come from."

They have a new line of socks for paraplegics.

They are so comfortable they can't even feel them.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall

Depends how hatd you throw them

How do you confuse a ginger?

Throw a cross at them.

Little girls are like basic math. If they're under 13, you do them in your head.

What do skeletons hate the most about wind?

Nothing, it goes right through them.

How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.

Why do sharks swim in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

Some people are like a software update. When I see them I think, "Not now."

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What's the best thing about 28 year olds?

- There's 20 of them.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He just stares them down and gets the information he wants.

How many animals can jump higher than a skyscraper? -- All of them, skyscrapers can't jump.

Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."

Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."

Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.