Them jokes
Last Halloween, I went dressed as a woman. When I rang the doorbell, an elderly woman opened it, and I made a grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands.
She immediately called the police and told them exactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First, he asked if my parents were here, and I said nothing. Concerned by my answer, he then asked if I was okay, so I said nothing. He asked me what my name was, and I responded, "Hellen Keller."
My family is like a treasure.
You need a map and shovel to find them.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Did you know when scientists discovered atoms could split, it blew them all away?
Why do basketball players like cookies? Because they can dunk them!
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One of them turned to the other and said, "Does this taste funny to you?"
I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"
So, we are in class right, and the teacher has a metal leg. Every year she gets the question of, "Do metal detectors beep every time you walk by them?" She heard this question to the point where she just says yes without hesitation.
Once she had said yes, two kids in the back started laughing.
Teacher: Ok alright, take it a little bit more seriously would you?
Kid: Oh, we're not laughing at that.
Kid_2: We're laughing at cancer.
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Two blondes walk into a bar. I thought one of them would have seen it.
How do you get 100 babies in the back of a pick up truck? Blender.
How do you get them back out? Straw.
The fact that "Hawkins" rhymes with "walking" and "talking," yet he could never do any of them.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
What is the best part of twenty-one year olds?
There's twenty of them.
If laughter is the best medicine, shouldn't we go up to disabled people and laugh at them?
Stephen Hawking tried joining some music bands, but all of them rejected him... except Daft Punk.