Why are graveyards so popular? Because people are always dying to get into them.
Me and my friend went to the park. After a while, we grabbed our little princess and said, "It's time to go, sweetie." But before we could go, someone said, "Stop them, they have my daughter!"
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Come on guys, it's not nice to make fun of autism. I mean really, the Riot devs try their best, but just because they have autism does not mean you can make fun of them. Make fun of them for something else, like their Down syndrome.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister's panties. I don't know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearing them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way, it made the funeral a bit awkward.
How many Russians does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, they just keep Putin them in.
What’s the difference between Jesus and a hooker?
The look on their face when you're nailing them.
Brian was shopping at a mall. He hopped onto an escalator. Next to him were two people having an argument. Eventually, one of them pulled out a pocket knife threatening to stab the other. Brian murmured "Well, that escalated quickly..."
What’s worse than giving women rights?
Having them. In the first place.
What's the best thing about f*cking twenty-eight-year-olds?
There's twenty of them.
There's an old lady doing gardening every year. Nothing grows. She goes to the man who lives next door. She says, "How do you get your tomatoes so big and red?" He tells her, "You show them your privates at night time." So she leaves. That night later, she goes outside and shows the garden her privates. The next day she's got zucchinis a meter long!
What's a similarity between your best friend and a tree?
They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?
It depends on how hard you throw them.
Q: Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
What's the best thing about 28 year olds?
There's 20 of them.
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you fit 100 babies in a bowl? A blender.
How do you get them out? Tortilla chips.
