The jokes

An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

My mom is the jelly, and my dad is the peanut butter. And I am the bread, the only thing keeping them together.

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

What did the suicidal leprechaun say?

"Irish I was dead."

When you're the only one nice to the quiet kid.

Kid: "I like you... don't go to school tomorrow."

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

My grandfather was there when the Titanic sank. He shouted 3 times that it was gonna sink until they finally kicked him out of the movie theater... haha

Teacher: "What is the opposite of the following sentence: 'Children in the dark make mistakes'?"

Student: "Mistakes in the dark make children."

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.

I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"