The jokes

One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.

A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”

What's the hardest part about being a paedophile?

Trying to fit in.

Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.

I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. 😏

When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.

Me watching a World War 2 documentary.

Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?

A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.

How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.

I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.

How many Karens does it take to change a light bulb?

Just one...to call 911 and demand a cop come do something about the intimidating blackness.

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."

If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.

A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."

The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"

The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."

Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."

Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.

Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.

Looks like depression got the best of me! Don’t worry, I’m already going under.

Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.

A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."