The jokes
Urban areas are filled with terrorists, feminists, liberals, and murderers. Which one is not like the others? Murderers because they don't pretend to have a cause.
I don't need to go to the car dealership when I have a Geico scanner on my arm at all times. π
When the guy next to you says that he kind of agrees with the villain.
Me watching a World War 2 documentary.
Q. How does a girl from Alabama know when her mom is on the rag?
A. She can taste it on her brother's cock.
How Chinese is COVID? About the same as those red MAGA hats made in China.
Asked my dad what LGBT stands for.
He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?" Obviously, I had to reply with "Garnish."
I told the emo girl that I bet she's jealous of the hanging lights in the gym.
Two lesbians adopted a cat. That night, the cat ran away. Why?
Because it heard one say, "I'm gonna eat that pussy."
I just found out I'm colorblind. It came out of the yellow.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" And the doctor replied, "I know. I amputated your arms."
If you were on the Titanic and you didn't leave the ship, what would you do? Just let that sink in.
Yo momma is so fat, when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number."
Person 1: Goodness, when is Michael Jackson going to stop eating these white chocolate truffles? He is already making a goddamn mess on his bed eating a few of them.
Person 2: Well, he cannot resist the little white balls.
Looks like depression got the best of me! Donβt worry, Iβm already going under.
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
A professor was talking about the American dream. Then, he asked the German exchange student if there was a German dream, to which the student replies, "We did, but no one liked it."
I respect cancer more than I respect depression.
At least cancer has the balls to kill you himself.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."
God creating cats.
GOD: Make the most fluffy cute thing you can think of.
ANGEL: Ok.......................................anything else?
GOD: YES, PUT RAZOR BLADES ON ITS FEET!!!!!!!!